Category Archives: Momma Needs a minute…

friday reads

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just some things i’ve been loving on the internet lately:

icelandicbutterflies.tumblr.com

this is my new internet crack addiction. i get my fix of picturesque new england scenes and secretly (now not-so-secretly) concoct plans of tricking my parents into retiring in maine, my cousin to move back to maine, and my husbeau and girlie to migrate there and live out some new england fantasy life. we shall see.

beautiful breastfeeding portrait as seen on marvelouskiddo.blogspot.com

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it’s not that i like this next post but i’m glad more information is getting out about this. it was hard to toss all the lotion and baby wash that we received for baby shower in the recycle bin but i blamed myself for not having read the information sooner to have informed our shower attendees that we would be using only organic baby products. if you have any pregnant or newly parenting friends please have them do more research on their baby products. they can start with this article.

this new site by anthropologie has me itching to create and leave a beautiful mark on the world. please go to the anthropologist and be inspired. this is the story of artist Jim Denevan working in Siberia. photos on the site are breathtaking. the installment about PE Guerin was fascinating as well. Jim’s vid-yo below.

my personal fave of these was this one about Phillip Toledano. it’s about his baby girl and becoming a father. i like his honesty and, of course, his artistic eye. i mean, putting your screaming baby’s face on a plate is pretty hilarious.

and lastly, i don’t care about kim’s divorce. i don’t care that she even got married in the first place. her marriage does not define mine so i’m not going to get all up in arms as a married person. BUT i hope it will bring some attention to loving couples who do deserve their married rights. the pics of love and devotion in this article are something to which we should all aspire. oh, and our senses of humor should aspire to this.

ps. i’ve really been digging this blog too.

TRICKY!!!!

what blogs do you love? leave them in the comments. i’m craving new inspirations and informations.

umm, excuse me. you made a mistake.

Posted in Momma Needs a minute..., parenting apparently? by

there are days when i’m certain that the universe made a mistake giving me a child. i’m a fraud and if you’ve ever heard me give any parenting advice then just toss it in the waste basket. my child is a maniac – a very cute and hilarious maniac. i’ve learned that i cannot ever hope to control my wild child. her spirit is too free. and i want that to be a good thing, i really do. but controlling myself is the issue at this point. i mean, it’s pretty bad when you’re two-and-a-half year old tells you to go meditate.

universe, can you give me sign that i am supposed to be a mom? preferably a sign that doesn’t involve CPS showing up at my door. also, a sign that doesn’t involve the staypuft marsmallow man.

oh wait. darla just fell asleep in the 2 minutes that it took me to write this. is that it? is that my sign? it’s certainly a sign that momma’s gonna take a nap…

dinning out like a normal human, NBD

Posted in Momma Needs a minute..., parenting apparently? by

a much awaited dinner date with a girlyfriend has come and gone. now that it’s gone, i bet you wanna know how it went…

darla did these things in this particular order: threw a fit in the ordering line. spilled her entire cup of edamame on the floor. stood on her chair repeatedly. ran out the front door that was propped open for the gorgeous fall night. pinched a baby on the cheek. poked a complete stranger in the REAR END with a chopstick! attached herself to one of the lady waitstaff and kept running after her complete with the leg cling (another total stranger, mind you. i just know she’s gonna climb in the back of a van someday when offered a sucker). repeatedly slid down the back of the booth bench seating. refused to wear her shoes at the table. stole carly’s tortilla chips. probably only ate a combined total of 5 bites as dinner and, drum roll, yelled HEY STOP YOU STUPID JERK at an oncoming car while we said our goodbyes on the sidewalk outside the restaurant.

(by the way i am chuckling heartily at the memory of this last one as i type.)

BUT

they poured me the wrong kind of wine at dinner so they gave me two for the price of one. those glasses look half full and not half empty to me! soooooo….that makes the evening a success in my book. CHEERS!

also, at bedtime she told me she likes me and i’m a fun mom. she has some redeeming qualities. thank you, darla, for keeping my life interesting. as infuriating as your antics can be at times, it’s your spiciness that i love the most about your personality.

black angels descend blanketing columbus in flannel

this won’t be a real concert review b/c i can’t tell you the names of the songs they sang or the intricacies of the music they played. i can only tell you there was flannel. seas of flannel.

i really only dig music for one reason alone: to shake my hair and my booty. sometimes in the same direction. sometimes in opposing directions. ahhhhwwww shake it momma.

ok, there is another reason. i like to sing along but that applies to only a certain subset of bands. i sing along in the crowd very loudly and tell myself that i’m actually better than the artist on stage. the black angels does not, however, fall into that category. neither does the dead meadow – the opening band wednesday night. both bands relied heavily on reverb and vocal echoes so i can’t even pretend that i understood any of their songs. very little of the words penetrated the aforementioned shaking of the hair. the black angels did play a song with the words “surf city” in the chorus though. i dug it. really, i enjoyed both bands quite immensely. i’ve seen the black angels at least twice before and had forgotten how good they are. i left feeling like i should follow them and every other band in the world more closely. i need to get back into my music lovership.

for the lack of detail and any actual structure, i can’t really say that i’m writing this for any real music journalist street cred. what i’m really accomplishing is publishing that “HEY, I’M A MOM AND I STILL DO COOL THINGS. I’M A PERSON TOO!” i’m sure some might be out there saying “but, Your Momness, (in my brain you all refer to me as this combination of mom and highness) you just took a 5 day jaunt to california why would you need another reprieve so soon?” well, it’s not my fault that they scheduled this tubular $5 show mere days after my return. sometimes you have to just jump at the opportunities and the offers for babysitting from friends unversed in your child’s demonic behavior. i’ve found that, at least for moi, i really need to keep up with some of my own hobbies and loves and have time out for myself to be a good mom. i’m inferior in the fact that i’m still really selfish with my time and i can’t give it all up to be devoted solely to darla. sometimes i wish i could but truthfully i think it will be in her favor in the end. I want darla to know that she can be a mom and not lose her whole, entire identity. i want her to grow up and say “my mom was an art lover, an avid reader, a music enthusiast and one hell of a booty shaker.”

so i just want to put it out there that if you are a new mom or a seasoned mom, you should know that you can still shake it if you wanna.

this segues into another recent story from my world. on our one night out in california, i was approached by a tall, handsome* **, englishman at a famous dischotheque. he offered to buy me a drink to which i immediately declined politely and told him i am married. his official response was (cue hugh grant accent) “why are you shaking your hair, then.” my response, “i’m married not dead” and excused myself from his presence. soooo, i’m also in favor of the ladies who are nuptually bound to continue shaking it.

i’m just a fan of shaking it! woooo hoooo! yeah! pretty much always have been and always will be. seriously, i was semi-famous for hair shaking in high school. this is my official disclaimer – no matter what other parameters involved in my life i will always and forever be shaking something.

what was this supposed to be about? how did i get onto this soapbox? i need to go focus on a dot on the wall and recenter. thanks for reading.

bye!

*dearest michael, he wasn’t really that handsome and the discotheque wasn’t famous. it wasn’t even a discotheque. i have my doubts as to whether he was actually english. maybe welsh. anyways, i was just trying to make you jealous so you’d remember how much you love me all the way over there. awwwwwwww. so sweet.

** he was tall.

los angeles lied to me

Posted in Momma Needs a minute..., Travels by

los angeles told me that it was always sunny and balmy. los angeles told me my friends are right around the corner and ready to meet up for decadent dinners and uniquely concocted cocktails on a daily basis. los angeles told me i could sleep in until 10 every day if i wanted to. it also said i could shop constantly and not worry one bit about my credit card bill.

all of those things became sweet nothings once my plane touched down in indianapolis.

these things happened on my sabbatical: shopping, food, friends, laughs, sun, shoppping, drinks, sightseeing, ocean breezes, more shopping, more food, delicious food, oh-my-god the food, walks, rest, snuggles, friends, new friends and missing my little mini-me.

it was just what i needed and i can’t thank enough all the dear friends who took time out to meet up, catch up, and house me. this trip was just what i needed. i’m always very bad about taking a moment away to take pictures when it comes to myself. here’s the tiny, tiny amount i captured from the most optimistic city i’ve yet to encounter.

friends and sunshine on a venice beach bike ride

does a beautiful back deck make beautiful people more beautiful or vice versa? PeeR At THis PaiR OF PEErs ON thE PieR. my radical flight partner rode on the wing. i hope the stewardess’ didn’t take him down!

i’m already looking forward to planning another trip out to la la with little da-la. also looking forward to planning my next adventure. where should we travel next? where will you travel next?

cheers to adventures dreamed by you and by me.

link section: here’s a few links to places we encountered on my trip:  venice ale house …. the tasting kitchen – in care of LA’s best bartender …. huckleberry ….peek, aren’t you curious … intimacy … townhouse … gjelina … kid firefly … border grill and pinkberry!

I’m off!!!

I’m off duty for five days and off to california for reunions galore!

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You’ll notice a lack of auntie anne’s pretzel in the above photo. The indianapolis airport did away with my hookup! How can an airport NOT have auntie anne’s? I am nonplussed.

In other airport news – cousin, you will appreciate – I asked the internal scan guy if he would make sure everything looks like it is working all right in there and he sternly replied “security is no joke, ma’am.” sheesh. Airport – 2 Elaine – 0.

But I’m on my way to awesome times with people I love so no matter what the score I STILL WIN. Also, I realize i was whineypants about the pretzels. white whine. Sorry.

mommy did a bad, bad thing

Posted in Momma Needs a minute..., parenting apparently? by

last week i did a bad thing.

like most kids, darla has a habit of leaving her toys strewn about everywhere. most of the time it doesn’t really bother me because i like seeing her little trail all over my life and it’s easier to track her down that way. but last week it got to me.

i was feeling the effects of 2 months of single parenting a toddler that may or may not embody the most multiple personalities ever recorded in human history. there also might be some kind of feral dog in there but i don’t know if that counts as an actual personality. anyway, the point is i let it get to me that day. i tripped over darla’s toy stroller and found myself kicking it across the room the next second. hard. actually it was impressive and i’m a tad upset no one else was there to witness the beautiful arc in which it traveled. on the flip side i’m glad darla wasn’t in the room to see me lose it. well, of course it broke.

and then guess what i did? i just pushed the pieces back together and set it back in it’s rightful place and then thought “maybe she won’t notice.”  what am i? six again? bad parent. BAD PARENT!

a coupla days went by and she didn’t touch the darn thing and i thought i might actually get away with replacing it before she checked in. no such luck. while i was cooking her breakfast i heard her tell her doll that they were “going to the grocery store” and then she started wheeling baby dearest around the living room. the leg gave out and then my daughter gave out.

darla came running to me with tears welling up in her eyes. “mommy, i broke my stroller. i’m sorry, mommy. i’m sorry.” i never could have predicted this reaction from her because ANY other time she would have paid no attention. but life was out to teach me a lesson. and for that i’m glad.

“i’m sorry, honey” i started to say and then she snapped back “no! i’m sorry!” and had an argument with me for a second about who was sorry because she’s started this thing where being sorry is some kind of competition. this is our house, after all, and things couldn’t go all leave-it-to-beaver without a little rumble.  so i picked her up and sat down on the couch with her and confessed that i had broken her stroller. that i didn’t mean to but i broke it and i didn’t tell her right away and that was wrong of me.

then she looked up at me with baby blues and humbled me. “it’s alright, mom. don’t worry about it.”

you see, i had to put this down here on the internet for some accountability. not for what i had done but because someday these roles are gonna switch. probably someday soon. it won’t be long before darla breaks my owl shaped coffee creamer pitcher (thanks dave and kelli!) and i HAVE to remember to handle it with the grace and compassion that my 2 1/2 year old displayed. i have to. hold me accountable internet.

also, grandparents – i know you. you’re probably already looking up a replacement doll stroller on amazon. well, clickers off that purchase button. this is my wrong to right.

what i wouldn’t give…

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i’m convinced my world would be revolutionized if i could just become a morning person.

no matter what time mike goes to bed he’s always up by 6 am, at the latest. i saw the sun rise every day this past weekend and i thoroughly love the feeling of getting myself going with the break o’ day. but, somehow i just cannot get my internal clock to reprogram. as soon as i get darla down it’s like i have the first chance all day to think my own thoughts and work on my own projects and if i don’t get them all done right when i think of them then their gonna die right along with my soul!

i’m tired. i’m tired of doing this all by myself and it’s not even the halfway point. i’m tired of not being able to wind down my windmills until 2 am and then being up at 7 with a toddler who’s had 11 hours of sleep. i’m tired of wishing that i could be different. i’m tired of trying to figure out how to change it and i need to start focusing on how to use it.

that’s all. just a little complaint session. you can all go about your lives as normal.

Dear Salty Sailor,

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your weekly update is coming atcha early this time b/c in a short span of minutes i’ll be departing for a weekend in hocking hills. your presence is going to be greatly missed. i’m already feeling emotional about it. i’ve transferred our lucky little girl to her lucky grandparents so any further updates on her will have to come from them for the next 4 days. momma needs to breathe some fresh air! momma needs to hike! momma needs to probably, actually lie around and sleep in and drink some box wine with other tired parents escaping their lovable, but exhausting offspring. once again, i will miss you for all of this.

i did a horrible job at recording funny things darla said this week so i’m pulling them all from memory at this point. my tired, frazzled memory. Ok here goes.

she had some of her eating utensils crouched beside the coffee table. she appeared to be “fixing” something as she was using the fork as if it were a wrench. when she noticed me watching her she kinda scrunched her mouth up like the WWII merchant marine poster and said “i work on boats.” i hope you are oh-so-proud of that one. she told me something was “not a big deal” this week and it furthers my disbelief at how our child can be 2 1/2 going on 15. one morning she kept jumping off furniture and the staircase landing. before she would jump she would say “click” and mime strapping herself into something. she would then hold her hands out in front of her as if she was riding a bike and then she would jump off her pedestal of choice. i didn’t interfere for about the first 15 minutes b/c she wasn’t jumping off anything too high or dangerous and forthaloveofzeus she was self-occupied. but then she rolled her eyes and kinda giggled and said “oh, i have to put on my helmet.” then she mimed putting on a helmet before she did the whole routine. i was sufficiently intrigued and asked her what she was doing. she looked at me as if i were a complete dolt and said “i’m hang-gliding.” duh, mom, duh. i wasn’t even aware she knew of such adventures as hang-gliding, but evidently she’s a pro. has the whole safety routine down. the last one is a good one. she slung one of her play purses over her shoulder and told me she was “the mail girl” and that she had to go deliver “blue marshmallow mail.”  then she stopped and said “nooooo, not marshmallow mail. just blue mail.” i really love all the things that go on insider that mind of hers.

other outings of the week included – joni’s baptism, biking to the library and our furthest venture yet – the santa maria, going to a new playground with the burkes, sleepover with elsabun and visit to the kids creativity center at the columbus museum of art, which is really really sweet and all kinds of fun. I even got some time away with a little help from our friends to see me a little live music show. there’s a little story about the show for ya after the little picturesque pics.

i was walking to the newport and had parked several blocks away b/c i was wearing new shoes and outfit and i wanted someone to notice me, dammit! ahem, as i was walking i heard two gentlefolk of the male nature approach behind and began to drop eaves on their loud, ostentatious conversation – “so i told him you guys weren’t available for any radio interviews or interviews of any kind. he wasn’t happy but i said you just weren’t available. blah blah blah.” i noticed both men holding bags of the record album shape and thought for sure this had to be a member of the band and managerial type someone. if you had been with me you mos def would have been able to take one look and realize it was peter moren standing so close to me that i could have snipped a locket of his hair. here’s how the scenario played out in my mind: i immediately turned around 180 degrees and awkwardly stated in a monotone voice slightly 2 decibels to loud “i’m going to your show right now.” they both stopped in their tracks and stared at me scared and uncomfortable. i turned back around and ran awkwardly away. as i ran, all i could think was “i hope they noticed my new heels.”

here’s what actually happened: i walked silently in front of them for 100 ft until they turned down a side street towards the tour bus. decrescendo. anticlimactic. sorry.  it was only then that i had conformation that they were with the band and really had complete conformation when Peter came out on stage. i knew where the tour bus was parked b/c i had scoped it out earlier. at least my creepiness held up in both scenarios.

sending you love,

former fwife now wife

‘Round this time every night

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every day is an optimistic round of promises I make to myself about the mountains of accomplishments I will ascend when the bambino has finally spun herself into the sleeplike trance of the whirling dervish.

but do you know what happens to me? every damn night. that little she-devil sucks the energy out of me with her bedtime routine. i leave her room feeling as a civil war general stepping off the field, uncertain if this battle has been a victory or a defeat. i stumble into my bedroom and look at the opened email inbox and the list of phone calls to be made and i just give everyone the virtual finger by trolling shopping websites and deleting my babygap.com emails. sorry y’all but that’s why you haven’t heard back from me.

Um, i can still shop in the Juniors’ section, right? hmm……

before you get up on your judgment horse, cowboy, let me state that; YES, i do love my daughter and YES, i did just call her a she-devil but NO, i didn’t actually mean it. it’s wit i am using to boost my readership or something. i just want to remind everyone that I do 100% of the parenting while mike is gone for 3 months and i get a little frazzled. i mean, she’s been sleeping for like 2 1/2 years now so it’s not like it should still be a big SHOCK to her that she has to go to bed at the same time every night. Ugh.

here’s what I tell myself to get through it: 1 – The parts of her personality that make bedtime so difficult will be such good character traits when she is older. just get through it now without squashing those traits. 2 – some of our best connections have been at bedtime. It seems to be another one of those *magical* times of the day and I have to try to make the most out of them even when i’m basically brain dead.

well i have to go now and get back to ignoring all of yins. in summation i quoth myself & cousin in conversation last night: “There are only two forces in life that cannot be reckoned with – Time and J. Crews’ ridiculously discounted sales emails.”