that was the wrong thing to say

Posted in Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

photo 27E00B79-A8FA-4E82-A30C-02497D49F524-6410-000004F434BCCA21_zps4e6692ea.jpg

the past couple years of my life have really opened my eyes to just how often people, myself being my most studied person in this hypothesis, say the wrong thing.

because the problem is in the saying.

i’ve always been a loquacious being. i talk too much most of the time. it took me a really long time, about 30 years, to learn that what most people need is for someone to listen. birth work has really helped me work on this skill. i have to say that it’s improved my marriage, my ability to help women in pregnancy and it’s starting to seep into other areas of my life as well.

my confession is that i’ve been attending a support group for almost 2 years now. in a good support group a member is able to share his or her thoughts, feelings, current life troubles and other members simply listen. no one tries to solve your problems for you. no one offers you advice. no one even really comments about what you’ve shared. people simply listen. being in this environment for the past couple of years has really helped me examine how i behave as an active listener to fellow humans.

i’ve found that when i feel pulled the most to open my mouth to give the world my answers is when i need to quiet down the most. more often than not, those are the times there is something going on that i really need to hear. i just have to listen deeper.

because when someone is depressed they don’t want to hear your advice about how they should fix it. they want you to listen. in the listening you are saying “i’m sorry you’re going through this but i’ll be here for you anyway.” when someone is sharing a past traumatic experience they don’t want you to offer your opinion on how to process that life event. they want you to listen. because by sharing and retelling their life they are slowly doing the work of healing. what people really want is the dignity to work through something on their own with friends by their side. it’s powerful to come to realizations on one’s own. it’s more powerful to do that while a friend’s hand rests gently and quietly on your back. sometimes we don’t know all the things we know until we have to tell them to another human being.

and that’s the kind of listener i want to be. i don’t want to be the person with all the answers. i want to be the sounding board that gets to quietly observe my friends discover the answers on their own. i want to listen with my heart and not my head. my head is that busy place with thoughts criss-crossing and hurdling over one another. my heart is that quiet place. my heart is still and peaceful and sure. i want to listen with my heart. and i want that from others as well.

10Apr2014

bump day

Posted in pregnancy by ElaineMarie

hanging out by the window with my bump b/c my bump is so serene and prolific. yeah.

i think i’ve crossed the threshold of everything just feeling really big from here on out. ain’t it wonderful? getting big is a good thing. one of the nice things about subsequent pregnancy is knowing that 3 more months of being big is a really short amount of time. during a first pregnancy 3 more months seems like an eternity but now…i think i have a more accurate idea of just how quickly 3 months will slip by in relation to the rest of my life.

this person will be here before we know it.

9Apr2014

pregnancy eats

Posted in pregnancy, yum yum eat good by ElaineMarie

getting high protein snacks and foods into my diet has been a running theme for this pregnancy. and i love it when my zero waste aspirations can meld into my pregnancy nutrition, which happens often. because if you start looking at what is good for the earth as a whole it’s going to lead your down a rabbit hole that is ultimately very good for you as an individual.

thus enters my love for bulk dried beans. chickpeas or garbanzos are a favorite of mine. i like to make up a big batch of beans and then mix them into various soups, salads and meals throughout the week. so i’m sharing one of my quick, healthy and tasty snacks for the hummus lover that wants to forgo the food processor.

to prep the beans i soak them for 12-24 hours and then rinse. boil in fresh water for about 30 min and then your chickpeas are good to go.

once cooled, i grab about one cup of the chickpeas and add a dash of olive oil, squeeze half a fresh lemon on top, add in some fresh sweet red pepper, sprinkle with parmesan cheese and salt. i’ve also added sunflower seeds in the past as well. mix all together and enjoy!

8Apr2014

baby nook

Posted in Momma Needs a minute..., pregnancy by ElaineMarie

this is the new view from my side of the bed. and soon there’s going to be a baby in there.

well, probably not. the baby will most likely want to hang out a little closer to me…as in on me…since that’s the way babies are programmed.

still, i like the way things look over there. all organized and ready to receive more babylike things. that cradle was mine when i was a babe and darla spent at least a handful of hours napping in there as a newborn. i think i like the nesting phase as a way of putting my world in order before it all goes to hell in a hand basket.

the nesting, re-organizing and purging are my ways of distraction, my ways of convincing myself that it’s not gonna be so bad. it’s not gonna be that bad, right? it’s all gonna be ok if i just make it look like it would be featured on apartment therapy! because all i keep hearing about is how great and easy it is to manage two children and a home and a marriage and build a career. we’re so lucky that as a society we build people up with hope and encouragement for these life transitions.

that’s sarcasm by the way.

oh well, it doesn’t really matter because soon…there’s going to be a baby in there.

7Apr2014

weekending

Posted in let me let me update ya, love and happiness by ElaineMarie

look at that sunny weekend! finalllllllllllllllly. we have sunshine back in our lives.

here’s my view from some of the further nesting and weekend doings we had going on:

finished darla’s dream catcher so now both my babies will have sweet dreams, had some quiet catch-up-on-work time, rubbed some old paint on some old pots and made them over like new, brewed up a tasty batch of veggie broth, wore eyeliner for the first time in a long time out for a ladies bday taco fest, cheered on the beard while he ran a High FiveK in perfect spring weather.

it was all very domestic and friend/family centric and full of spring time magic. sending you poz vibes for your week!

6Apr2014

i’m not afraid to show my belly and i’m not sorry

Posted in Momma Needs a minute..., pregnancy by ElaineMarie

this post is here to tell you how wildly proud of my baby belly and mama body i am.

you have probably noticed from this blog and other social media that i’m not really one to keep it all under wraps or covered in a mu-mu. i love the way my body looks pregnant and i’m not really sorry about that. i think pregnant bellies are beautiful and i wish more of them were out there in the real world for us to see, not just slapped in advertisements to get us to buy things. because that’s the only time skin bared on a woman is acceptable right?

this post is also serving as a warning that it’s not going to stop anytime soon. for those of you who know me in real life you should know that you may, at some point, see me out and about with a whole lot more of myself out and about. this mama has mid-drift tops and she’s not afraid to wear them. warm weather is approaching and this belly has got to breathe!

if you have an opinion about that, particularly a negative one, then i first want to applaud you for being in touch with yourself and in tune with your own opinions. but secondly, i want to remind you that i do not really care about your opinion. your opinion is not my business. feel free to run the other way if you see me and my bare baby belly approaching.

because it’s out. and it will be about. and i won’t be sorry or shamed about it for one little minute.

6Apr2014

waffle date

Posted in love and happiness by ElaineMarie

mike and i sneaked in a breakfast date on friday when our morning errands magically took way less time to complete than anticipated. i would like to thank the bump for prompting me to say “hey do you want to stop for a waffle at the market?” as we drove by. so we did.

the waffles at taste of belgium are absolutely grand. they are so good that i order mine plain. see:

going…

gone.

i have to admit that i’ve been thinking a lot lately about how in the world we’re going to make time for “us” once this second baby comes along. i can’t really imagine how it will come to pass with all the high-five trade offs our current schedules require of us. i can’t imagine how there will be any time when we won’t have at least one of the kiddos around. it seems like finding time to communicate is hard enough as it is and the honest truth is i’m really worried about how this is all going to play out when a 4th personality is in the mix.

how are people doing this all over the world? how do most of you make it look so easy?

you can see that mike may not be so nervous about spending less time with me since he gets this when we’re alone:

but despite some minor weirdness, it’s nice to have alone time when we can. ♥♥♥

5Apr2014

midwest produce calendar

Posted in Shopping by ElaineMarie

April has me thinking about getting some goods in the ground to call a garden this year. i’ve had my eye on these produce calendars by krankpress for a long time now and thought i’d share. krankpress makes regional produce calendars which seem so handy and pretty for produce growers and lovers. this would sure help with the grocery list before heading to market!

3Apr2014

bump day

Posted in doula work, pregnancy by ElaineMarie

it’s a birthday baby bump post today. it’s hard for me to believe that the body holding that baby is 31 years old. i never thought i would get old. the 30s are a weird decade where sometimes i feel much, much older than my years only to follow it up with feelings of eternal youth the next day.

anyway, i’ve enjoyed a day of rainy solitude for my 31st birthday. husbeau left me cinnamon rolls for breakfast and i’ve been catching up on household projects, rest and online work that was all put on the back burner during 6 long days of workshops and learning for my ventures into postpartum doula work and childbirth education. there’s a lot to unpack in this brain. i feel like i have a 50 item laundry list of things i want to get started on asap to further my career in birthwork.

but in the middle of it all, i’ve made sure to stop and spend time with this belly. i cannot believe it will be only a few short months before i meet the little person inside there.