getting reconnected

 nature hike baby belly

until this past week of glorious weather i had no idea how essential being out of doors would be for me to feel connected to this pregnancy. 

being outside has always been an essential part of my well-being, i think. i remember choosing hours of play outside over television or indoor play. in my motherhood, i’ve tried to get darla outside and into the wild as much as possible. i feel more at peace outside and my brain functions differently than when i’m cooped up inside.

beginning this pregnancy at the start of this very long, harsh winter was pretty rough on me. darla was a january baby born in a slightly warmer climate so i was out and about for the first 2 trimesters with her and still pretty active during the last trimester, heck we even walked down to the Obama inauguration 2 weeks before I was due. it seemed a little more normal to have lots of activity in early pregnancy and to hunker down a bit more during the last stretch. having the opposite happen with this pregnancy has not been easy.

i don’t function so well indoors. i get a little crazed about organization and overwhelmed by how many items are in our household. i have it in my heart hopes that i’ll move to a warmer climate someday that allows for outdoor adventure year round. but let’s bring it back to the fact that this week has shifted me back into focus for preparing for this birth.

so we’ve been out every day since it’s been possible. i can say without a doubt that sunshine, fresh air and green living things are going to be quite necessary for me to bring this baby into this world. and now i’m feeling oh so happy to be having a summer baby.

 mocs on walks

i’ve gotten my mocs out on walks. alone. it seems essential to my spiritual being to spend time alone in nature. i think it’s always been part of my personal faith practices to spend time alone in the wilderness, contemplating the small habitats of the tiny creatures juxtaposed to the vastness of the earth and the heavens. it’s important to my spiritual being to feel connected to it all. i just find that hard to do cooped up inside walls.

i feel it all coming together and it feels good. the reawakening of the earth is resonating deep inside me and i feel more connected now than ever before. how wonderful it was to feel this life quicken and grow inside me just as the earth started to do the same. how wonderful to feel this baby gain strength and see my belly bloom just as the blossoms appear in our world. and i can only imagine how wonderful it will feel to have life burst forth at just about the time when all life in the northern hemisphere is at its peak.

i’m so thankful that the world within me is connected to the world without me.

 

 

gratitude adjustment

sunday is the day e’rybody’s gettin’ spiritual, right? gratitude is an important part of my spiritual path within this world. here’s my weekly list:

5 Things I’m thankful for this week:

1. fleece lined tights. they’ve changed my world.

2. chorizo tacos.

3. visits from my mother.

4. mike’s family for feeding us on thanksgiving. sub category: i’m thankful for stuffing and gravy.

5. my parent’s willingness to host a visitor of their own while we get some stuff organized at the new homestead.

 

gratitude adjustment

sunday is the day e’rybody’s gettin’ spiritual, right? gratitude is an important part of my spiritual path within this world. here’s my weekly list:

5 Things I’m thankful for this week:

{1} Destroyer week!

{2} unpacked boxes and house progress.

{3} new neighbors & friends!

{4} christmas movies in the morning, snuggled with my fam.

{5} bacon. again. and always.

gratitude adjustment

sunday is the day e’rybody’s gettin’ spiritual, right? gratitude is an important part of my spiritual path within this world. here’s my weekly list:

5 Things I’m thankful for this week:

{1} my husband, an expert mover and an excellent father to our wild girl.

{2} our good friends who help haul our crazy heavy furniture all over this town, feed us fried chicken, help us paint, spend time with our girl, and are there to lend an ear for important conversations.

{3} bacon. i think i will always be thankful for bacon.

{4} waking up in our new place, feeling at home after one night, next to my favorite two people in the world.

{5} the continuous, consistent ways i’m reminded that i’m not in control in this life and the fact that i now have a spiritual well to remind me that my only job here is to turn it over and trust in my path.

expectations

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expectations. collective sigh, right?

i could venture to say that 99% of the hurdles in my daily life are based in that title word. i have expectations about EVERYTHING. i have them about my daughter, my husband, family, friends, house, career, strangers, elected officials, products, religions, and even of you, dear reader.

however my biggest expectations are for myself. i expect myself to be a certain person, to behave in a certain way, to always look stylish, forever be young, to achieve certain things, accomplish much, fail at little. i can accomplish ten things in a day and beat myself up about the 11th thing i didn’t get done.

it’s exhausting and nonsensical.

i’ve been focusing attention and meditating about this certain area of myself for some time now and i have to admit i still don’t have many answers but what i do have is more awareness. and for that i am thankful. i am aware when i am setting myself up for failure, disappointment and resentment by creating some bar that is unattainable.

you see this is in my brain and on my heart right now because of our move and our new house. i have expectations of how i want it to look and what this move will mean and do for our family. and as i’m painting and taping off walls i can’t for the life of me decide if it’s worth it to make the space our own or if it is wasted effort spent on something superficial.

i guess i will have the answer to that when the time is right. but what i hope for is the courage to be a little gentler on myself and others. maybe one day i will be strong enough to let go of what i think things should look, feel and be like and see things just as they are.

when i’m ready, i’ll get there.

this house is clean

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big life events for the wruckers: we’re moving!

we are moving to the part of columbus that we’ve found we spend the most time, we have a good amount of friends there and we’re hopeful it will be the right fit for us.

i spent my day cleaning and cleansing our new space. this was the first time i have saged a house before we moved and i really enjoyed it. whether the act works or not {although i’ve experienced it twice now and feel that it does} is beside the point. the essence of it, at least for me, is the ceremony of it and the devotion of myself to the new space. it feels good to know that i put a little bit of my energy and wishes into the house before i start painting, bringing in boxes and making changes.

i look forward to sharing more of our life from our new place. our moving process gets to be a bit more lax this time so stay tuned as to when we make the final jump.

hurrah for life changes!

 

the sage smudge sticks i used found here.

 

gratitude adjustment

sunday is the day e’rybody’s gettin’ spiritual, right? gratitude is an important part of my spiritual path within this world. here’s my weekly list:

5 Things I’m thankful for this week:

{1} mornings i’m awake to see the sunrise

{2} generous, anonymous people

{3} new experiences, new places and journeys to new destinations

{4} my family

{5} my working legs and healthy body that allow me to spend so much time outdoors exploring with my girl.

story bored

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and here’s a post where i write about something i’m really passionate about.

you may or may not have read my last life{dot}next retreat post. irregardless, you should know that i’ve been counting down the months until i’d be able to attend my next one. it’s set to begin 2.26.14. i am beyond stoked.

these retreats have been lifelines to me. i started attending them when i was beginning to believe that maybe following my dreams was out of my reach. i had begun to think that others got to follow their passion but not someone like me. the life(dot)next retreats helped me believe in myself and trust in my path again.

the community and conversation of the retreats help me think about the possibilities of my life. they’ve helped me to see life with more potential as i get older, not less.

and i’m going to admit to the fact that i’m still a little bit in denial that very soon the sun is going to disappear from my life for months and i will exist in a grey haze that is ohio for winter so taking off for someplace that is 80 and sunny just when i’m about to go bat shit crazy from it all sounds rather appealing, right?

the theme of this retreat is Flexing the Story. as soon as i heard that i was in. this is something i’ve been working on personally for some time. life is all about the stories we tell to ourselves and other people. when i focus on telling myself positive stories { i.e. yes, you can do this. you are smart and capable of figuring anything out as you go } my life is much smoother than when i tell myself negative stories { i.e. other people may follow their dreams but not you, elaine }. i really want the tools that this retreat will give me to further craft my story.

ladies, if you’ve been looking to get an inspiration infusion in your life then consider the retreat. if you think the retreat sounds wonderful but not your cup o’ tea then take a minute to square up against what is holding you back from doing something of this nature. consider it again. take a leap for the sake of growth. do you wanna come?

maybe you think the retreat sounds like a grand adventure, just not for you? then sponsor me! 

i know. i just panhandled. but seriously, someone should sponsor me because this momma is flat broke. partial donations will be accepted!

because, guess what. i’ve been following my dreams just like the retreats told me i should and in this world that comes with a price. i’m looking at it as an investment at the moment: very few returns in the beginning but a big payoff in the long-term.

gratitude adjustment

sunday is the day e’rybody’s gettin’ spiritual, right? gratitude is an important part of my spiritual path within this world. here’s my weekly list:

5 Things I’m thankful for this week:

{1} my mom, the maker of wonderful stews and sponsor of relaxing trips to the woods. she does so much for us and i’ll always be thankful for her

{2} maple bacon flavored everything

{3} cider, of the hard and soft varieties

{4} a week of long nature walks

{5} and ummmm american horror story on netflix. my new obsession :)

gratitiude adjustment

sunday is the day e’rybody’s gettin’ spiritual, right? gratitude is an important part of my spiritual path within this world. here’s my weekly list:

5 Things I’m thankful for this week:

{1} my daughter’s imaginary friend named Hot Dog Water. I do not make this shit up.

{2} the beauty of a lunar eclipse in a clear night sky.

{3} fellow humans who are willing to talk things out when there has been a misunderstanding.

{4} the still, calm voice inside that consistently urges me to be patient and wait for the good things to come.

{5} my little family that loves to get out and experience life even if it means dishes pile up and laundry doesn’t get folded in a reasonable amount of time.