weekending

Posted in familyness, love and happiness, weekending by ElaineMarie

i wish i could bring these pictures into a proper narrative portraying how lovely mother’s day weekend came together for us over here. i can’t though. to put it simply; my girl came home and my parents came with her. love and appreciation abounded. group projects were finished up. i received handmade goodness from both mike and darla, along with some vinyl and other small items. i even gifted myself with a pair of earrings and a keychain that i’ve been coveting from the shop. my parents helped us finish putting in gardens. darla planted a butterfly and fairy garden complete with glitter. mike and i teamed up for mother’s day brunch. it was a string of simple accomplishments that pulled together in one nice package. i feel good about heading forward into the future as a family of four with these people at my back. my parents, mike and darla are truly an incredible support team.

and i guess if i had to put everything under one umbrella i could pull this all together with the saying “momma gets what momma wants.” i’m glad i can say that knowing that it has no negative connotation. everything from the first photo to the last speaks to me about the learning curve i’ve passed through about being an active participant in my own happiness, about celebrating myself and my motherhood, about saying yes to myself sometimes and for asking for what i want from the universe unabashedly because in the end the things i want are small but meaningful.

i wanted an ice cream sundae so i got it. i wanted that white dress for my girl so i got it. i wanted my parents to visit and help put in a garden this year because i knew i would need help and it would be meaningful to me for it to be something we all did together. so i asked for that. i wanted two small, inexpensive items to celebrate my own motherhood this year so i got them without shame. because i did that i was able to let go and appreciate my gifts from others at a deeper level. i wanted to have mother’s day celebration at our house so i asked for help with that. i wanted a nice balance of being honored for the day but also continuing to do the things i do that support my family. i wanted darla to have her own garden space so i asked for that too and then i helped her carry out her own wishes for the space that was now hers.

i’ve learned that i don’t need to hide my wants and desires from this world. i don’t want for grand things. if i did that would be ok, too. but i don’t need to be a martyr in my own life. it’s ok for me to ask for the small things. i know enough about myself to feel secure in saying that i would be happy even if these things didn’t come to pass but being an active participant in voicing my desires to the universe has made a big difference in my life. sometimes life calls for pulling up your britches and putting yourself to work for what you want. other times it calls for reaching out and asking of others. i feel that for most of my life i’ve flip-flopped from one side to the other, either relying on myself too much or relying on others. this may be the first time in my life, or at least a very long time, that i’ve felt a good balance between self-reliance and outside help. it leaves me feeling so much more whole.

and i thank my family for that gift of wholeness. it was truly a wonderful mother’s day.

11May2014

happy motherz’ day

Posted in familyness, parenting apparently? by ElaineMarie

*happy mother’s day. i hope your day is filled with creepy babies and handmade goodness*

9May2014

MY week

Posted in familyness, let me let me update ya, love and happiness by ElaineMarie

y’all, i’m going to talk about alone time.

these last couple weeks i’ve been craving alone time. i think it correlates to my nesting and urge to get things accomplished. it’s left me wondering if other women experience this deep need for alone time in their last trimester as well? is it a part of birth preparation? or is this constant desire for a bit of solitude in my day part of my personality?

well, i got what i asked for. D spent the week with my parents and mike started a new job. he’ll probably put double the hours in at this first week at his new job than what he’s been working for the past two years. so in a short span of time i went from having people all up in my grill to being quite alone, quite a lot.

i was busy. i was productive. and i wasn’t always alone thanks to the many appointments, meetings and friendly dates i crammed into this week. but this week did leave me feeling lonely and above all else, BORED.

the week made me take it down a notch in my desire to be alone with my to-do list. because while it was nice to get things accomplished…accomplishments are boring. i look back through my snapshots of the week and see a lack of life. it’s nice to have the moments when i can sit down and eat a snack on the couch because no one is looking, or to get my new green babies potted, to take walks and to get the bathroom painted, but without my family these things mean a lot less. maybe this week was about learning that squeezing these check lists in to all the chaos of family life is a pretty fantastic blessing. i’m glad to have a chance to come back around on that before life gets a whole lot more hectic. i know i’ll be singing a different tune in a few months so i need to put these thoughts and feelings down here now so i can pull it up when i’m at my limits.

and look at that rad little bit of life in that first photo!!! it was nice to remind myself i was never truly alone. and it was so lovely to see my littlest love for the first time. that was by far the most important thing that happened this week. part of me was sad that darla wasn’t there for it and that mike was at work but part of it felt right. i got to call darla up and tell her the baby has her nose. a nose that i’ll be able to give lots of kisses in a few short months. until then i’m happy to have these pics to gaze upon. even if the last one is pretty creepy because the babe has one eye open. must be a metallica fan. i know an uncle that is going to be happy about that…

*thanks for reading this week. i hope you had a good one. sending you my best for a lovely mother’s day weekend. please read on for a little favor that i need to ask you. because you are one of my favorite readers ;-) *

you may have noticed a new little button over on the sidebar of MomJeanz, maybe not. so i’m going to point it out over there. see? well, i signed up for a baby blog directory so other bloggers can find and connect with MomJeanz. pretty nifty! if you could click on that button when you visit MomJeanz it casts a vote for my blog and helps the blog gain more exposure. I’ll be including it in my friday posts from now on so even if you can only give me one vote a week, or whenever you remember, it will still help. thanks for reading and helping this momma out!

5May2014

weekending

Posted in doula work, familyness, love and happiness by ElaineMarie

all the frustration from last weekend over arrested productivity melted away this weekend. it’s hard not to feel enthused about a weekend that begins with donuts. and it’s hard not to feel productive during a weekend that you’re hosting such helpful visitors. my parents are such a support and a help to my growing family. i was very thankful and happy to have them visit us this weekend. months ago, when we had just moved into a new house and i subsequently found out i was growing a person, i felt a little at loss at how i was going to pull everything together.

and to be truthful, it’s not all together but it’s getting there. i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. and i’m feeling like we MIGHT just have a good deal of life progress completed before we settle down to meet this new human. i’m not quite ready but i’m feeling confident that i will be soon. which is more than i can say for when i was expecting darla.

i remember mike and i having a conversation on the way to the hospital for my birthing time with d and discussing how we hoped it was a false alarm. we were not ready. there are days that i’m still not ready for the force that is Darla in my life but this moment in time feels…bear with me for this analogy… like the effects of a shot of warm liquor*. it spreads through you reaching to the tips of your toes and fingers slowly until you’re warm all over and you have this calmness that says “this is right and this is good.” that’s what the conclusion of this weekend feels like. i’m feeling right and i’m feeling good.

and i wouldn’t be in this mentality if it weren’t for all the helpers and support i have in my life. my parents, my husbeau, neighbors and friends and even my little helper that helped {somewhat, sometimes} getting projects accomplished this weekend. my weekend even consisted of helpers i’d never met before since i attended the birth without fear meet-up on saturday. it was an inspiring day and it helped me put a finger on some of the things i’m working through with this pregnancy.

oh gawd. you know you’re in your 3os when you are looking back at your weekend and are excited about the gardening and painting instead of the parties and the concerts.

but it was fulfilling and it was progress and i am thankful. and i am in my 30s. so this is right and this is good.

*ok, so disclaimer: i haven’t had a shot of warm liquor in YEARS. a more accurate description of this would be what it used to feel like when my body could tolerate that lifestyle more. a shot of warm liquor would probably feel A LOT different now, not nearly as poetic. in case i forgot to mention this…i’m in my 30s now.

2May2014

our week

Posted in familyness, let me let me update ya, love and happiness by ElaineMarie

low lighting gave our pictures this week that fuzzy look, which is ok because that’s how our week felt. anyone else have a fuzzy week?

normal life rolls on out and the magic is in the small stuff: washing up and organizing saved baby items, visiting the market with my girl for a waffle reward as a stimulus after i’d been out late at a birth, watching darla take on the pottery wheel. you can see that girl means business. i think my favorite little life detail is in that second photo up there. the ever so slight arch in darla’s eyebrow as she takes in the enormity of her donut. i wasn’t going to include this last photo of myself {that darla took} until i noticed that i, too, have that slight arch of my eyebrow present in that image.

that might be the most important thing that happened in my week. even though much grander life events took place this week, transitions and births and responsibilities, that small shared trait trumps them all. there’s little in life so poetic as the slight arching of a woman’s brow. those few centimeters can mean the difference between living and existing.

*i’m sending out my gratitude for the living that took place this week

…and for the existing.

i hope you had a good one. all my best for your weekend.*

28Apr2014

this is for me

Posted in Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

this is a reminder. it’s a reminder that this space is for me.

i know many of the people who are a part of my non-internet based life are not supportive of this blog and my efforts in writing it. and that is ok. because this is a reminder that i don’t write this blog or keep this space for them. i keep this blog for me.

this may be the only place in my life over which i have complete control. i can decide what it should look like. i can decide what to share. i decide what i want to remember and i can put an extended piece of myself into these pages. i have an outlet for creativity and thought in the midst of a life that feels like it’s comprised mostly by mundane house chores and fulfilling the wants and needs of tiny people. i like writing this blog. and i’ve fortunately been brought up in such a way as to know that if i like doing something then i can go ahead and keep on doing it.

i realize how silly it is to go through life taking selfies of outfits and millions of pictures of my daughter. but i don’t really care! because the truth is that if i didn’t take any pictures of me then no one else would. it’s really easy to feel invisible in your own life as a stay-at-home mom. i don’t want to feel invisible in my own life. i’m very much an active participant. and guess what, i like myself and i want some record of how i looked and felt and what i dreamed about while folding laundry and driving to dance classes.

so, i’m going to keep on doing it. i like writing and i like sharing. and occasionally someone in the real world tells me how much they enjoy following and yeah, that feels so freaking cool. i’m not going to lie about that. it’s a nice ego boost. but i have to remember that if they like it then that is for them. it speaks for them. not for me. if something i put down in these words reaches out and grabs something in another human then i’m not responsible for what was inside them that whole time. it’s simply a mutual appreciation. and i’m thoroughly grateful to those of you who’ve reached out over the years and expressed a mutual appreciation over some of the things i’ve put down in this space.

i’ve been going back through this blog in the past week cleaning out old posts and re-reading some of what i put here. some of it i’m not so proud or enthused about. i think that most of those times i was getting away from what the purpose of this blog is supposed to be. but there is so, so much that i’m very proud of, so much that i’m glad is here for others and for my family to maybe go through some day and remember the simply beautiful existence we were entrusted with together.

so, yeah, this is a reminder. and this reminder isn’t for you. it’s for me. it’s a reminder TO ME that this space is FOR ME.

and that makes me so completely lucky to be able to share it with other wonderful humans.

28Apr2014

weekending

Posted in familyness, love and happiness, weekending by ElaineMarie

these are the moments i want to remember. i fear i give moments like these too little importance in my mind. it’s hard when so much of life seems to be planned around big events, get-togethers and commitments, which have their rightful place in life. but i am in love with the moments like these from our weekend:

like remembering that husband is my daughter’s chosen companion in the early morning hours. making coffee and breakfast for my family during our weekend mornings. darla receiving a music history / art history lesson over the breakfast table. listening to one of my favorite voices in the world in a friends living room. seeing richard buckner’s living room show this weekend was a highlight {if you have a chance to go to a living room show at some point, please do}. going on a tea & scones relaxation date when we were feeling squirrely {she} and unsatisfied with productivity at home {me}. husbeau gifting us with patti smith’s easter and singing along with darla, who had been listening to gremlins on her player earlier. but my most cherished moments of the weekend were going through saved baby items and uncovering little pieces of the past. like those boots. gawwww. i’m tearing up over here writing and thinking of how big my little girl is but one time, long ago, she stomped around in these when she first got to stompin.’ and now i’m going to put another baby in them.

life just kills me with the small moments. thanks for taking in these ones that mean so much to me.

*hope you had a wonderful weekend. wishing you a stellar week*

25Apr2014

our week

Posted in advantageous adventures, familyness, love and happiness by ElaineMarie

small

collection

of moments

from our week.

in my journal this week i wrote a list of the things i want my life to be about:

love. beauty. passion. gratitude. and the human spirit.

i think we did pretty ok getting that all in there.

* i hope you enjoy a lovely weekend *

23Apr2014

getting reconnected

Posted in Momma Needs a minute..., pregnancy by ElaineMarie

until this past week of glorious weather i had no idea how essential being out of doors would be for me to feel connected to this pregnancy.

being outside has always been an essential part of my well-being, i think. i remember choosing hours of play outside over television or indoor play. in my motherhood, i’ve tried to get darla outside and into the wild as much as possible. i feel more at peace outside and my brain functions differently than when i’m cooped up inside.

beginning this pregnancy at the start of this very long, harsh winter was pretty rough on me. darla was a january baby born in a slightly warmer climate so i was out and about for the first 2 trimesters with her and still pretty active during the last trimester, heck we even walked down to the Obama inauguration 2 weeks before I was due. it seemed a little more normal to have lots of activity in early pregnancy and to hunker down a bit more during the last stretch. having the opposite happen with this pregnancy has not been easy.

i don’t function so well indoors. i get a little crazed about organization and overwhelmed by how many items are in our household. i have it in my heart hopes that i’ll move to a warmer climate someday that allows for outdoor adventure year round. but let’s bring it back to the fact that this week has shifted me back into focus for preparing for this birth.

so we’ve been out every day since it’s been possible. i can say without a doubt that sunshine, fresh air and green living things are going to be quite necessary for me to bring this baby into this world. and now i’m feeling oh so happy to be having a summer baby.

i’ve gotten my mocs out on walks. alone. it seems essential to my spiritual being to spend time alone in nature. i think it’s always been part of my personal faith practices to spend time alone in the wilderness, contemplating the small habitats of the tiny creatures juxtaposed to the vastness of the earth and the heavens. it’s important to my spiritual being to feel connected to it all. i just find that hard to do cooped up inside walls.

i feel it all coming together and it feels good. the reawakening of the earth is resonating deep inside me and i feel more connected now than ever before. how wonderful it was to feel this life quicken and grow inside me just as the earth started to do the same. how wonderful to feel this baby gain strength and see my belly bloom just as the blossoms appear in our world. and i can only imagine how wonderful it will feel to have life burst forth at just about the time when all life in the northern hemisphere is at its peak.

i’m so thankful that the world within me is connected to the world without me.

14Feb2014

Bun in the {L}oven

Posted in familyness, let me let me update ya, love and happiness, parenting apparently? by ElaineMarie

think you know what this picture means? other than that i need to give the inside of our oven door a scrub down?

Well, it only seems appropriate that on this day of love i disclose to the webiverse that this summer we’re going to have a new little wrucker to love on.

i gots a bun in my loven oven!

yeah, i just called it a loven oven and what’s more is i’ve used that term with clients before. i am nothing if not tactful and professional.

do you guys know what this means? this gets to turn into a pregnancy blog! the internet needs more of them! there aren’t enough out there.

but in all seriousness, i do plan on documenting this pregnancy here. now that i do birth work it’s been quite a different experience for me. it’s been a good one. it’s put me back in the shoes of my clients, reminding me what this simultaneous state of power and vulnerability feels like. to put it bluntly i’ve had to put my money where my mouth is. i am experiencing again how hard it can be as a woman in our society to trust in my body. i am experiencing the overwhelming amounts of information out there that requires sifting through to discover the best, informed plan for my family.

i’m reminded of what it feels like for a tiny human to be an acrobat inside you and to feel ferociously determined to protect and provide for that person with each nudge and kick.

so, we’re on our way to becoming a family of four. darla has BIG plans for her and this new babe. we told her on her 5th birthday and she was absolutely the sweetest to me. when she got her bike for her birthday she said “but where are we going to put the baby seat?” which filled me with fear of what i’m going to have to intercept down the road {bike pun!} and happiness that she sees toting a baby on her bike as normal, since that is what she experienced.

well, happy valentine’s day to all. sending you love vibes to you and yours from the growing ours.

momjeanz

Tag Archives: Family

weekending

happy motherz’ day

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weekending

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this is for me

weekending

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Bun in the {L}oven