donuts make me go nuts birth without fear baby bellyallard lowenstein ribbons in her hair garden plots darla help breakfast artifacts

all the frustration from last weekend over arrested productivity melted away this weekend. it’s hard not to feel enthused about a weekend that begins with donuts. and it’s hard not to feel productive during a weekend that you’re hosting such helpful visitors. my parents are such a support and a help to my growing family. i was very thankful and happy to have them visit us this weekend. months ago, when we had just moved into a new house and i subsequently found out i was growing a person, i felt a little at loss at how i was going to pull everything together.

and to be truthful, it’s not all together but it’s getting there. i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. and i’m feeling like we MIGHT just have a good deal of life progress completed before we settle down to meet this new human. i’m not quite ready but i’m feeling confident that i will be soon. which is more than i can say for when i was expecting darla.

i remember mike and i having a conversation on the way to the hospital for my birthing time with d and discussing how we hoped it was a false alarm. we were not ready. there are days that i’m still not ready for the force that is Darla in my life but this moment in time feels…bear with me for this analogy… like the effects of a shot of warm liquor*. it spreads through you reaching to the tips of your toes and fingers slowly until you’re warm all over and you have this calmness that says “this is right and this is good.” that’s what the conclusion of this weekend feels like. i’m feeling right and i’m feeling good.

and i wouldn’t be in this mentality if it weren’t for all the helpers and support i have in my life. my parents, my husbeau, neighbors and friends and even my little helper that helped {somewhat, sometimes} getting projects accomplished this weekend. my weekend even consisted of helpers i’d never met before since i attended the birth without fear meet-up on saturday. it was an inspiring day and it helped me put a finger on some of the things i’m working through with this pregnancy.

oh gawd. you know you’re in your 3os when you are looking back at your weekend and are excited about the gardening and painting instead of the parties and the concerts.

but it was fulfilling and it was progress and i am thankful. and i am in my 30s. so this is right and this is good.

*ok, so disclaimer: i haven’t had a shot of warm liquor in YEARS. a more accurate description of this would be what it used to feel like when my body could tolerate that lifestyle more. a shot of warm liquor would probably feel A LOT different now, not nearly as poetic. in case i forgot to mention this…i’m in my 30s now.

your one wild & precious life

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there are so many times that i’m going through everyday motions and i think to myself “this is bullshit.” why are there so many time sucks in life? why do we force ourselves to spend so much time doing things we don’t want to do, that we abhor to do? this happens while i’m doing chores or find myself spending too much time on facebook during a gorgeous day. or paying bills. or when i’m chucking useless possessions into the donate pile.

i’ve been thinking critically about my life goals lately and a funny thing has happened; i’ve realized just how fucking awesomely lucky i am. if you would have asked me a year ago i would have thrown myself a pity party but today i realize i have trusted in my path and have a life that is exactly what i want.

i can never go and sit behind a desk again. i can never take a full-time job to just make sure i’m getting the life markers checked off. because i don’t care about those things. i don’t care if i ever own a house. i don’t care if we ever own more than one vehicle. i don’t care about our material gain in this world. i really don’t. i care about making the most of this one wild & precious life.

i have a lot of freedom in my life right now, more than i’ve given myself credit for in the past. i’m free to spend everyday with my wild girl and that means more to me than anything money could buy. i have a promising career in a field that i passionately love. i’ve come to terms that it will come with a salary sacrifice but fortunately i’m ok with that. any fool can get a job and make money. it takes a courageous soul to confidently pursue her dream. my needs are met. my desires are mine to pursue. my cup runneth over.

i’m so lucky to have my girl as a reminder to move through my world in pursuit of what i want from my life. children don’t innately operate according to what they “should” do in life. they do what they want. THEY DO WHAT THEY WANT! why can’t we give that gift to ourselves in the way our children already do?

so i hope you’ll continue to check in with me because imma just be here doin’ my do. i’ll be doing what i want. and i want to do more of this:

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^^^ holding my daughter the way i used to when she was a baby while she dozes ever so briefly.  letting her paint, chalk, draw and generally art up her body in any way that amuses her at the moment.  encouraging her to climb.  taking the sunny days to spend outdoors.  and plaiting flowers into my girl’s hair.  ^^^

it really is that great, when i let it be. and i can let it be.

weekly happy

full of gratitude for all these moments, and many others, this week:

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^^^ 1. snuggling with a little dude i saw born a little over a month ago {photo by darla marie}  2.  two little girls listening to storytime  3.  a return to the north market  4.  take home waffles and  5.  take home hydrangea  6 & 7.  growing little things in our house. ^^^

and a very special moment that i think i’ve decided deserves it’s own post…so i’ll just leave you with this:


please ignore my cackle. thanks.