weekending

 jeni's ice cream date
darla dressdarla came hometo me, from meto me, from mikemother's day brunchbrunch disheshandmade cards planting a garden glitter garden fairy garden

 

i wish i could bring these pictures into a proper narrative portraying how lovely mother’s day weekend came together for us over here. i can’t though. to put it simply; my girl came home and my parents came with her. love and appreciation abounded. group projects were finished up. i received handmade goodness from both mike and darla, along with some vinyl and other small items. i even gifted myself with a pair of earrings and a keychain that i’ve been coveting from the shop. my parents helped us finish putting in gardens. darla planted a butterfly and fairy garden complete with glitter. mike and i teamed up for mother’s day brunch. it was a string of simple accomplishments that pulled together in one nice package. i feel good about heading forward into the future as a family of four with these people at my back. my parents, mike and darla are truly an incredible support team.

and i guess if i had to put everything under one umbrella i could pull this all together with the saying “momma gets what momma wants.”  i’m glad i can say that knowing that it has no negative connotation. everything from the first photo to the last speaks to me about the learning curve i’ve passed through about being an active participant in my own happiness, about celebrating myself and my motherhood, about saying yes to myself sometimes and for asking for what i want from the universe unabashedly because in the end the things i want are small but meaningful.

i wanted an ice cream sundae so i got it. i wanted that white dress for my girl so i got it. i wanted my parents to visit and help put in a garden this year because i knew i would need help and it would be meaningful to me for it to be something we all did together. so i asked for that. i wanted two small, inexpensive items to celebrate my own motherhood this year so i got them without shame. because i did that i was able to let go and appreciate my gifts from others at a deeper level. i wanted to have mother’s day celebration at our house so i asked for help with that. i wanted a nice balance of being honored for the day but also continuing to do the things i do that support my family. i wanted darla to have her own garden space so i asked for that too and then i helped her carry out her own wishes for the space that was now hers.

i’ve learned that i don’t need to hide my wants and desires from this world. i don’t want for grand things. if i did that would be ok, too. but i don’t need to be a martyr in my own life. it’s ok for me to ask for the small things. i know enough about myself to feel secure in saying that i would be happy even if these things didn’t come to pass but being an active participant in voicing my desires to the universe has made a big difference in my life. sometimes life calls for pulling up your britches and putting yourself to work for what you want. other times it calls for reaching out and asking of others. i feel that for most of my life i’ve flip-flopped from one side to the other, either relying on myself too much or relying on others. this may be the first time in my life, or at least a very long time, that i’ve felt a good balance between self-reliance and outside help. it leaves me feeling so much more whole.

and i thank my family for that gift of wholeness. it was truly a wonderful mother’s day.

supported

given that my chosen profession is one based entirely in support, i know the impact good support can make in someone’s life.

when i think back critically on my personal timeline i can see that the most successful times in my life were those times of abundant support. and i’m not talking dollar signs success, i’m talking about feeling fulfilled. i’m talking about those times when you look in the mirror and say “you know what i’m really good at? LIFE.”

you have done that before right? someone? yes?

ahem.

well, i want to divert from the usual positive place that this blogspace resides in. explanation: this blog is my collection of happy. it really serves as a tool to remind me of the things i’m being successful at in my current life because i need it. i need the reminders or i will feel like a total failure in so many areas. i have those moments of self-doubt like whoa.

while it may not look like it on this blog, the truth is this past year of life has been pretty dang hard. actually, quite a number of years have been rough. i’ve determined that one of the reasons i’ve not been as successful in my current life is that i’m still not letting myself build a strong support network. and also, maybe i need to change my attitude about what success in my life will look like from here on out but mainly it’s because i just feel a lack of support.

and i feel that i’ve been lacking in supporting those around me. in short, i still don’t have a tribe. well, the tribe i have right now are busy individuals with families, just like me, and it can be really hard to squeeze in quality friend time. but then i see that other families have created their tribe so i don’t know that i really have that excuse. i think i put barriers up. i think i give myself excuses as to why i can’t do this or that and create an unsupportive frame of mind.

what does support mean to you?

i’ll tell you what it means to me: someone genuinely inquiring about your life and the things you’re going through. someone who tells you that your thoughts and feelings are valid, even if your support person does not see things the same way as you. someone who is there to listen and share even when times are rough, not just when life is peachy. someone who can show you empathy. someone who makes you feel you are worth their time. someone who lets you know by their simple actions that they like you as a person and think you’re worthwhile.

i’m working on becoming more self-supporting. i am finding, little by little, that in order for me to become more supportive of myself i have to extend it to others. if i focus only on meeting my own needs i become a self-centered, ego-driven mess. during the times of success in my life, i was not only receiving support but i was abundantly giving it away as well.

giving away your support is tricky. you have to find the right people to be your receivers, otherwise you’ll done-dry up. i’ve been in that space before. my successful times were those in which i had found {or in the early part of my life was simply blessed with the universe placing them in my life} relationships that were truly reciprocal. you also have to be a good receiver. and that’s where i’m struggling, i think.

support is clearly a big deal in my life. it’s my profession. it’s my savior. it’s my lifeline. it’s an area of life i spend a lot of time in and one that i know i need to do continuous work to maintain a healthy balance.

grandparents’ weekend

darla snow we had a few nice, quiet days in indiana complete with some snow romping and fort building. darla is staying with my parents for a few extra days. i’ve already 4 boxes lined up at our door of things i’ve separated out to go to donation. I know she’ll enjoy a few extra days with her adoring grandparents and I’m thankful for the extra post-christmas organizing time.

i’m so very thankful to have loving, supportive parents that are a positive presence in my daughters’ life. i’m very grateful for the times they support us by giving us a weekend here and there to recover from the everyday stresses of life.

mostly, i’m just thankful that they treat her with such kindness and true generosity. i’m not talking about simply buying her stuff, but generosity of their spirit. they are wonderful examples of kindness, love and support. i aspire to be more like them.