rad dad

Posted in familyness, love and happiness by ElaineMarie

i hope everyone had a wonderful father’s day. i’m a day late posting but that’s the story of my life and my brain. i wanted to share this pic of mike and darla. it’s my favorite picture of the two of them and it show’s off his radness and dadness quite well. it was taken the weekend before father’s day last year.

father’s day is an important day in wrucker family history. mike was at sea when i found out i was growing a baby darla. on this particular tour we were only able to talk every 2 weeks. he had satellite email so i sent him a message telling him i had news. a funny little tangent to the story that i’m going to go ahead and disclose because the internet has infinite space for my words is this: my roommate said he was going to be able to tell from my email that i was pregnant. i told her that he would just think we had found a new apartment closer to him. when he received the email his ship-buddy called it that i was in a family way. mike told him he thought the news would be that i had found an apartment closer to him. it turned out everyone was right in this scenario.

so, mike got into port on father’s day which i believe was june 15, 2008. he finally called after a week of my knowing and i told him. his first full sentence after was “so are we shotgunning this or what?” seriously the most romantic man on the planet. in all honesty, it’s a completely endearing moment in my memory.

then, mike met up with friends that lived near his port, met their little one that was less than a year old and witnessed his friend as a dad for the first time. i think we both think back on the whole life event and marvel at how divine and cosmic the circumstances turned out to be.

and now we are 5 years down the road and it blows my mind a little bit. i like to pretend i’m a dorian gray, never-aging being and somehow i have a 4.5 year old daughter with a man i’ve known for 6 years. it all seems closer than that. objects in the mirror may appear closer than they are.

yes. that WAS a meatloaf reference. sorry for tainting your tribute, husbeau.

so let me finish, here:

mike, you’ve always been a good dad. things have never been easy for us but we’ve had a lot of fun and a lot of love along the way. i want to tell you that the father i’ve witnessed you become in the past year has earned you the status of GREAT dad. i’m not sure which level comes after this but i’m quite sure that if you keep doing what you’re doing we’ll find out. insert video game reference and love emoticon.

16Jun2013

Daily moment

Posted in i dig music by ElaineMarie

Since I was standing transfixed, sending little prayers up to the heavens to remember the finale moment for all my days, I’d say this is my daily moment from yesterday.

Local natives & the national was simply the best show I’ve witnessed in a long time. I’ve seen both many times but there was something magical about last night. Anyone who was there will agree.

We barely let the national boys leave the stage. They lined up along the front of the stage and sang an a capella version of Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks with the crowd in accompaniment as their final farewell. There is something about hundreds of humans raising their voices in song together. It really got me in a special place to see so many folks I know singing along and enjoying the moment. I cried. That’s not saying much since I cry all the time but it’s been a while since I’ve been moved to tears at a show. Moved by tears of happiness at that.

If you were there I hope you’ll remember it all your days with me. If you weren’t, we’ll just pretend you were.

15Jun2013

birth links

Posted in birth links, doula work by ElaineMarie

some birthy goodness for your weekend reading:

1) a brief post from childbirth today about how Fear contributes to complications and adverse outcomes in birth found here.

2) published study findings that planned home births are safer than hospital births.

3) this is my favorite for sharing today! the dudes are getting some love! it is directed towards the fathers, the most common, but not only, birth partner for mom. these are some of the roles a doula can provide if dad wishes for his role to be different but I try to work with my couples and prepare partners to fill these roles in the birth space. these are very important roles. i think one of the best things we’ve done in maternity care was inviting dads into the birth room but we did them a huge disservice of placing high expectations on them and minimal information on how to meet these expectations. i hope these tips help. ladies, you can go ahead and put these in papa bear’s inbox and tell him to memorize them! talk to your partner ahead of time about how you both envision the birth partner carrying out these roles. it will be so very beneficial for you come birthing day.

as always, i’m here for labor support services as well as pregnancy mentoring and postpartum care. best wishes to you for a calm & confident birth.

14Jun2013

how i’m spending my kid-free time

Posted in let me let me update ya, Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

we’re only 2.5 days into darla being gone so i’m still at that phase of feeling i might *finger quotes* accidentally forget *finger quotes* to pick my child up in a few days. this phase directly precedes the phase of feeling lost, lonely and completely void of any life purpose without my child. yep, in a matter of 12 hours the change will set in. what can i say? parenting: making moms bipolar since…forever.

and i just want to say the next time one of you non-spawning people tell my you haven’t had time to do something i will look into your eyes, down into your soul and i will know you are LYING. childlessness provides all the time in the world!!!! i’m like scrooge mcduck backstroking through his vault of gold coins only instead of coins they are minutes and instead of a stingy duck i am me. big hair, big boobs ME swimming in a sea of time.

so here’s what i’ve been doing with myself:

1. attending concerts – husbeau and i saw grizzly bear and xx one night and japandroids the next. we left japandroids early because we just were not digging it and i think this may be a first for us a couple. 2. i’ve had more than one lovely bike ride everyday. it’s been simply perfect riding weather. 3. working in a beautiful space and catching up on some birthy reading once all my shop chores were finished. two jobs at one time!! 4. spending time at the library filling out my certification paperwork 5. catching some rays while i 6. take care of some ornery laundry and 7. pay attention to the other growing things for which i am responsible.

all this i’ve been doing while waiting on the call from a momma to let me know her baby is coming earthside! i love the anticipation part of my work.

i guess when darla is gone i’m prone to taking pictures of my legs. can’t say that i’m too ashamed because they’re the only legs i’ve got but it’s possible things will be more visibly stimulating when she gets back.

but until then i’m going to enjoy the peace and calm and excess free time. i might even do some front porch sittin‘ later and now that i think about it recreating this kid-free-zone for myself sounds pretty good too.

sending you positive vibes for a great weekend. happy friday everybodiez!

13Jun2013

daily moment

Posted in daily moment, Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

you all need to excuse the quality of this photo. my hand was shakey from pure joy. this is a photo of me doing NOT A DAMN THING yesterday afternoon. when the little lady is out of town momma props her feet up and pretends to take a nap but really just trolls facebook in a half-awake daze. yes. this is a moment i want to remember.

12Jun2013

climb thoz treez!

Posted in kiddie-do, parenting apparently? by ElaineMarie

my daily moment post prompted some thoughts about tree climbing to start swirlin’ around in my brain space so i thought i might as well dump that here too.

oh gawd. that was getting long and preachy and stupid so i just scrapped it and am starting over by saying what i really want to say.

i was a crazy monkey child growing up and darla is too. i loved the feeling of mounting the obstacles. i loved the satisfaction and pride it swelled up in my tiny, gangly body. i can see it in darla too. can you see her face right there? maybe not because it’s hard with the sun {or is it jesus?} shining right down on her. but she’s really good at it and even though she’s small, i’ve let her from a young age.

and i don’t mean that i’ve helped her. i mean that she’s been climbing trees {and various other items} on her own for a couple of years now. i feel it’s really important for her to see that i trust her and that she can trust herself and her own body. i just think that’s where all the magic happens during an ol’ fashioned tree romp. for a lot of kids, it’s the first big risk they get to take and come out successful and triumphant. who am i to deprive her of that by hovering too closely and directing her from branch to branch. of course i’m nearby but the act is all her 99% of the time. plus, remember when falling out of a tree and getting a bump, bruise or… gasp…even a broken bone was just part of life and learning lessons? not that i want my child to get hurt but i know it’s not my job as a parent to prevent anything bad from happening to her. it’s my job to show her how to recover from the bumps, bruises and breaks. and it’s my job to show her that 99% of the time they do not happen.

we can trust our children. if we trust them more now when they are small we’ll be able to trust them a whole lot more when they are big. that’s just my opinion though. check in with me in 12 years when darla’s climbed out her bedroom window and the jack daniels is missing from the liquor cabinet.

ha! we don’t have jack daniels or a liquor cabinet. squashed that little plan of yours there, missy. you can’t pull anything over on this hawk squaw.

oh anyyyyyyway…

last summer our neighborhood festival brought a rock-climbing wall for the kids. darla was only 3. i could see the desire in her eyes and she quietly told me “mommy, i really want to make it all the way to the top.” i told her to be brave and never give up. well, her turn came quickly and she proceeded to climb all the way to the top. even when she lost all footing and was hanging on by just one hand. even when the bigger kids around her gave up. she did it. and she came running to me with a huge triumphant smile after. the folks working the climbing wall said they were amazed that she was able to do it but i wasn’t. i was confident that she would.

ok, so that last paragraph was some parental boasting but everything before that was me just putting it out there how i feel about letting my girl get up in a big ol’ tree, or sometimes small ones, and figure it out on her own.

my tips for letting a child {in this case mine but could be yours if you like what i’m puttin’ down} swing from the boughs:

1. don’t do it for them.

2. don’t do it for them. i repeat this. even from the beginning. getting up into a tree should be the child’s effort entirely. that is what makes it an important part of childhood.

3. do help them spot and locate a safe branch if they are stuck. this is different from giving them a play-by-play on how to climb. if she needs help, i direct her and reassure her on which branch to try next.

4. it’s ok and probably best if they don’t wear shoes. our feet are designed for this kind of stuff and have better gripping potential than any sneaker. i have witnessed a surprising number of parents yelling at their child to get down out of a tree for not wearing shoes to climb. this is usually initiated by the fact that my child is running around barefoot so other kiddos follow suite. but this leads me to…

5. don’t yell at your child while they’re up in a tree. this could scare her and cause her to fall. even, if i’m scared or surprised by her climb, i calmly instruct her to come back down.

6. let go and know that it’s going to be ok. i let her try for herself even if it makes me uncomfortable. we’re both learning from the experience in that way. and even if she falls, or has a close call…i know that it’s all going to be ok.

12Jun2013

daily moment

Posted in daily moment, kiddie-do by ElaineMarie

tree climbing with friends. i think those tree climbing years are about to be upon us and i couldn’t be happier about it.

11Jun2013

Unschooling: The Grocery Store

Posted in it's cool to school by ElaineMarie

i‘m not going to lie to you, 10 minutes before these photos i was trying to negotiate my daughter into going to the playroom at the grocery store because, yeah obvious, but when you’re child answers “mom, i hate to say it but i don’t like kids’ activities” it’s hard to keep pushing. {or is it?}

so i tried one old tactic – bribing her to stay in the cart with a sucker – and then a new one: turning the trip into an unschooling exercise. so this is not anything new. groceries and markets have long been places of learning and exploration for little ones. i’m not tooting my horn about that, i’m simply here to tell you it worked. she stayed by me, she helped and she only asked for about 50 additional items which is a sharp decrease from her normal 200.

background info: darla will tell me to go eff myself if i try to encourage her to do something because it will make her a “good girl” but she’ll be right there if i am framing it as a need for a helper. {i’m thankful she’s given me these insights into how she would like to be raised along the way.} as my helper today she read all the PLU numbers to me while i wrote them on our reusable containers in the bulk section. she helped me locate items, dish them out into containers and we discussed how much each thing would cost per pound. in general we took a more in-depth look at our food items, discussing how they smelled and looked and felt. this directly resulted in us purchasing some peaches that darla rubbed against her face. can you blame her? cause, gawd, peaches feel so good!

i think her favorite learning point was the ginger root bin. she had picked out some crystalized ginger in the bulk section earlier, so it was a nice dot-connector to find and examine it in the raw.

i’m thankful for these new unschooling outlooks to outings. this plan might just keep me more calm + collected.

praying that i keep up the practice.

10Jun2013

Daily moment

Posted in daily moment, love and happiness by ElaineMarie

Front porch dinner in a light rain.

10Jun2013

weekending

Posted in familyness, let me let me update ya by ElaineMarie

was last weekend badass, or what? we had beautiful, beautiful temps and weather here in ohio. i feel like we hit up every festival in town. there were a ton. we attended columbus arts festival for the first time, munched at el camino before the grand opening of my new part-time gig at columbus furniture revival {which is really pretty and amazing and pretty amazing. i had some pics to share that i somehow deleted}. darla “got frondly” with people at the luau at the hills market downtown. {sadly, i cannot take credit for that pun. that is courtesy of michael wright.} we stopped by the moonlight market for some crazy good pie and then on to the SoulFood festival down at the columbus commons where i was PUMPED to see Color Me Badd. And by attending, i mean riding our bikes around the outside of the commons b/c it was so expensive. sadly, we were too late and missed CMB. it was hard to be too crushed with how beautiful the rest of the day was but i do feel my life is a little incomplete now.

hope you had a good weekend as well. june is shaping up to be just lovely, isn’t it?