this is for me

Posted in Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

this is a reminder. it’s a reminder that this space is for me.

i know many of the people who are a part of my non-internet based life are not supportive of this blog and my efforts in writing it. and that is ok. because this is a reminder that i don’t write this blog or keep this space for them. i keep this blog for me.

this may be the only place in my life over which i have complete control. i can decide what it should look like. i can decide what to share. i decide what i want to remember and i can put an extended piece of myself into these pages. i have an outlet for creativity and thought in the midst of a life that feels like it’s comprised mostly by mundane house chores and fulfilling the wants and needs of tiny people. i like writing this blog. and i’ve fortunately been brought up in such a way as to know that if i like doing something then i can go ahead and keep on doing it.

i realize how silly it is to go through life taking selfies of outfits and millions of pictures of my daughter. but i don’t really care! because the truth is that if i didn’t take any pictures of me then no one else would. it’s really easy to feel invisible in your own life as a stay-at-home mom. i don’t want to feel invisible in my own life. i’m very much an active participant. and guess what, i like myself and i want some record of how i looked and felt and what i dreamed about while folding laundry and driving to dance classes.

so, i’m going to keep on doing it. i like writing and i like sharing. and occasionally someone in the real world tells me how much they enjoy following and yeah, that feels so freaking cool. i’m not going to lie about that. it’s a nice ego boost. but i have to remember that if they like it then that is for them. it speaks for them. not for me. if something i put down in these words reaches out and grabs something in another human then i’m not responsible for what was inside them that whole time. it’s simply a mutual appreciation. and i’m thoroughly grateful to those of you who’ve reached out over the years and expressed a mutual appreciation over some of the things i’ve put down in this space.

i’ve been going back through this blog in the past week cleaning out old posts and re-reading some of what i put here. some of it i’m not so proud or enthused about. i think that most of those times i was getting away from what the purpose of this blog is supposed to be. but there is so, so much that i’m very proud of, so much that i’m glad is here for others and for my family to maybe go through some day and remember the simply beautiful existence we were entrusted with together.

so, yeah, this is a reminder. and this reminder isn’t for you. it’s for me. it’s a reminder TO ME that this space is FOR ME.

and that makes me so completely lucky to be able to share it with other wonderful humans.

28Apr2014

weekending

Posted in familyness, love and happiness, weekending by ElaineMarie

these are the moments i want to remember. i fear i give moments like these too little importance in my mind. it’s hard when so much of life seems to be planned around big events, get-togethers and commitments, which have their rightful place in life. but i am in love with the moments like these from our weekend:

like remembering that husband is my daughter’s chosen companion in the early morning hours. making coffee and breakfast for my family during our weekend mornings. darla receiving a music history / art history lesson over the breakfast table. listening to one of my favorite voices in the world in a friends living room. seeing richard buckner’s living room show this weekend was a highlight {if you have a chance to go to a living room show at some point, please do}. going on a tea & scones relaxation date when we were feeling squirrely {she} and unsatisfied with productivity at home {me}. husbeau gifting us with patti smith’s easter and singing along with darla, who had been listening to gremlins on her player earlier. but my most cherished moments of the weekend were going through saved baby items and uncovering little pieces of the past. like those boots. gawwww. i’m tearing up over here writing and thinking of how big my little girl is but one time, long ago, she stomped around in these when she first got to stompin.’ and now i’m going to put another baby in them.

life just kills me with the small moments. thanks for taking in these ones that mean so much to me.

*hope you had a wonderful weekend. wishing you a stellar week*

26Apr2014

diaper decisions

Posted in Run Da House, Shopping by ElaineMarie

i still haven’t decided if we’re cloth diapering from the get go with this babe but this cover kinda makes me want to. We started cloth diapers at around 10-11 months with darla and that worked out pretty well. i feel like we will start out in disposables, transition to a combination routine and end with all cloth, all the time. and darla was potty trained by just a few months after her 2nd birthday so i’d like to go ahead and keep that the same or earlier. please, universe? thanks a mil.

I’m kinda obsessed with a few things from this store { like also these } but the cute diaper covers catch my eye the most. we have some of ours left over from d but i will probably need to pic up another infant and one more larger size to make it work.

ugh, i can’t believe i’m back to the stage of being in charge of another human’s butt. life is a hoot.

ps. we’ll probably be using these disposables and these wipes if any of you kind souls wanna send baby wrucker a welcome gift!

25Apr2014

our week

Posted in advantageous adventures, familyness, love and happiness by ElaineMarie

small

collection

of moments

from our week.

in my journal this week i wrote a list of the things i want my life to be about:

love. beauty. passion. gratitude. and the human spirit.

i think we did pretty ok getting that all in there.

* i hope you enjoy a lovely weekend *

24Apr2014

our return to the outdoors {and some thoughts on unschooling}

Posted in it's cool to school by ElaineMarie

we’ve returned to the great outdoors for our days, finally. these days have been bittersweet as i know that, at least for now, this chapter of our free wheelin’ unschooling days is coming to a close. it’s the right decision for us at this moment and i have high hopes that we’ll see darla in the right atmosphere for the next phase of her education experiment. because that’s what it is in the end right? an experiment? each generation comes along with ideas and tests them out in the big experiment that is the evolution of the human species so i don’t have to worry about making *the right decision* for her. it’s all a gamble, no matter which way you slice it. i feel like education is one of those areas of life that many people take staunch stances, sure that their way is the best but from where i stand i feel like it’s all a gamble. it’s all a dance and at some point it’s time for this group number to narrow down to a solo effort. i feel darla has lent her voice towards the desire to try out school so that’s what we’ll do.

and it doesn’t feel as heavy as it once did. i’m not stressed. i feel that as she’s grown older and come into her autonomy these decisions that we’re supposed to navigate are not as loaded as they once were. one of my main goals as a parent is to be able to trust that my daughter has what she needs inside of her to create her own path and that she always has. that is just where i’m at with this journey. a few years back i felt like i could feel the weight of every decision as we pressed on into the future. now i’m more at peace with the fact that it’s really my daugther’s right to figure out how the path of her own life is going to run. she must be her own and i must be my own. i’m settling into this role of “guide” much better than i ever have felt as “mom.” as darla told her friend the other day “no ones the boss of me. my mom and dad just help me figure out how to be the boss of myself.”

maybe i can get this next child to call me mother-guide.

so this leaves us with one last summer, one last summer of flexibility and adventure. this leaves us a few short months of mother + daughter roaming until we all go through the very big learning experience of incorporating another human into this fold. how’s that for unschooling?

and then i’ll get to start this all over again. and who knows, if we get a year of school under our belt and find it’s not the best fit and we find a way for me to be able to accomplish my work as well as help two children educate themselves then maybe we’ll take that path.

maybe not. it’s all a great experiment, after all.

24Apr2014

bump day

Posted in pregnancy by ElaineMarie

“as we grow older we should become not less radical but more so.” margaret laurence ~ author

flowerpower

so i was struck with inspiration after seeing this in the feed of one of my instagram faves. i thought i would include this here for a little context and sort of as a warning sign.

if you think this photo is objectionable then you should probably “turn back while you still can. this is not the way. take heed and go no further.”

if you think this photo is awesome, incredibly poetic and quite humorous then you’re probably ok to proceed for this weeks bump day photos.

versions

are nowhere near

as good as that gorgeous

photo up there though.

i absolutely love that quote. i feel that one of the gifts of womanhood is that many of us regain that whimsical and wild as we get older. i envision myself as an older woman, wearing about 15 turquoise necklaces and driving an el camino at age 75 just because i want to, dammit. but at this stage of my life what i can achieve is to radically and unabashedly love my body the way it is at this moment. a friend of mine once spoke about not bashing the way you look in photos right now because some day those are the photos you’re going to pull out and say “oh, if only i still looked so good.” i know that even though i think i look unbelievably huge in these photos, i’ll be pulling them up in the future saying “oh, if only my belly was still so taught and full of life!”

my belly has really bloomed over the past week so the symbolism of the flower and this time of year combined with the quote held a special magic for me. i know these are really just pretty lame selfies i took in my bedroom but i love them just the same.

thanks for indulging my radical.

23Apr2014

getting reconnected

Posted in Momma Needs a minute..., pregnancy by ElaineMarie

until this past week of glorious weather i had no idea how essential being out of doors would be for me to feel connected to this pregnancy.

being outside has always been an essential part of my well-being, i think. i remember choosing hours of play outside over television or indoor play. in my motherhood, i’ve tried to get darla outside and into the wild as much as possible. i feel more at peace outside and my brain functions differently than when i’m cooped up inside.

beginning this pregnancy at the start of this very long, harsh winter was pretty rough on me. darla was a january baby born in a slightly warmer climate so i was out and about for the first 2 trimesters with her and still pretty active during the last trimester, heck we even walked down to the Obama inauguration 2 weeks before I was due. it seemed a little more normal to have lots of activity in early pregnancy and to hunker down a bit more during the last stretch. having the opposite happen with this pregnancy has not been easy.

i don’t function so well indoors. i get a little crazed about organization and overwhelmed by how many items are in our household. i have it in my heart hopes that i’ll move to a warmer climate someday that allows for outdoor adventure year round. but let’s bring it back to the fact that this week has shifted me back into focus for preparing for this birth.

so we’ve been out every day since it’s been possible. i can say without a doubt that sunshine, fresh air and green living things are going to be quite necessary for me to bring this baby into this world. and now i’m feeling oh so happy to be having a summer baby.

i’ve gotten my mocs out on walks. alone. it seems essential to my spiritual being to spend time alone in nature. i think it’s always been part of my personal faith practices to spend time alone in the wilderness, contemplating the small habitats of the tiny creatures juxtaposed to the vastness of the earth and the heavens. it’s important to my spiritual being to feel connected to it all. i just find that hard to do cooped up inside walls.

i feel it all coming together and it feels good. the reawakening of the earth is resonating deep inside me and i feel more connected now than ever before. how wonderful it was to feel this life quicken and grow inside me just as the earth started to do the same. how wonderful to feel this baby gain strength and see my belly bloom just as the blossoms appear in our world. and i can only imagine how wonderful it will feel to have life burst forth at just about the time when all life in the northern hemisphere is at its peak.

i’m so thankful that the world within me is connected to the world without me.

23Apr2014

pregnancy eats

Posted in pregnancy, yum yum eat good by ElaineMarie

these first two photos are just to show how fruit crazy i have been this past week. i am so excited for farmer’s market season to be starting up and for fresh, local fruits to flood our life. i’m hoping i can get this pregnant belly out to the strawberry fields before the babe joins us earthside.

my real pregnancy eats post is really a pregnancy drinks post. i’ve been having this drink for my heartburn lately and thought i would share. apple cider vinegar is rumored to help with digestion and stomach acid. i find this to be a healthier alternative than over the counter antacids.

mix 2 Tbsp of 100% cranberry juice with 1 Tbsp unfiltered apple cider vinegar.
fill the rest of the glass up with water and top it off with pure maple syrup to taste.

i tend to fall on the salt & vinegar side of cravings so i don’t mind mine a little tart but adding a little extra maple syrup will sweeten it.

it’s really refreshing and i’ll be counting on this drink to get me through this final trimester. plus, it might just keep me from making late night runs for salt & vinegar chips.

22Apr2014

avoiding maternity clothes

Posted in pregnancy, Shopping by ElaineMarie

i avoid maternity clothes almost as well as i avoid eye contact in my mirror selfies.

fleece lined leggings and thermal shirts. you know, for when it snows in april.

my coven issued black skirt, black shirt combo.

and stretchy pants for days and days, plus a wide brimmed hat to cover unbrushed hair.

so yeah, lots of skirts and stretch pants happening over here. but i only have a handful of these items that i’m switching out and dressing up in different ways. i try to use loud prints and distracting accessories to draw attention away from the fact that i’m huge and still have a couple months to go. i’m keeping my eye on forever 21 and target for some new maxi dresses to add to this rotation. let me know if you see a sale.

well, that’s all. let’s see how i do next week!

21Apr2014

weekending

Posted in weekending by ElaineMarie

these pictures don’t really convey what a busy but lovely weekend we had. i’m starting to get to that point of feeling like i need to lay down for a nap every couple of hours and it feels like there’s still such a long time to go with this pregnancy. husbeau worked lots and we all enjoyed record store day very much, him most of all. very little time was spent in our own home over the weekend so i’m looking forward to being a bit of a homebody for the next couple days.

^^^ hope you enjoyed a lovely weekend ^^^