pregnancy and body image

Posted in love and happiness, pregnancy by ElaineMarie

dear baby,

i wrote this post a year ago, roughly. and now i want to write a quite different post.

i want to write a post in gratitude, rejoicing in the confidence being pregnant has brought back to me about my body. i don’t really recognize that person, or that voice from that post a year ago. who wrote that? certainly not this lady! because this lady says: i can wear whatever the hell i want and i look good while i’m at it.

being pregnant makes me feel so feminine and powerful and in control of my body. i know that is not the case for some but fortunately it is for me.

we’ve spent much of these last weeks of pregnancy poolside and i’ve drawn upon that confidence about my body in a way that i’m sure i wouldn’t have last year. my legs aren’t shaved. who cares? my suits don’t fit quite right. whatevs! i’m huge and have fatty thighs and spider veins. not a big deal!

if anyone has had a problem with it, it really has been no cause for concern of mine. i’m guessing that if anyone has been unsettled by my appearance they’ve just kept their opinion to themselves which is exactly where negative thoughts can be kept: to their owner, poisoning his/her own mind.

which brings up another positive for me; now that i am back in a mental place where i love and revere my body, i look more favorably upon others as well. i see a beauty there that was lost to me for a while. and really, i mostly don’t find it any of my business to have an opinion about another person’s body and physique.

it is so freeing and nice. the world is a much nicer place when you love yourself and feel positive about the person you are. it’s just nice.

and i’m thankful to you, baby, and this pregnancy for bringing me back to this place. it’s regrettable that i drifted away from here for some time but i’m glad to be back now.

{universe, please help me hold on to it this time.}

because i’m sure i will have you soon, {right?} and drop some weight and become able to reach my legs again for shaving and what not but from here on out those personal appearance things will be for me and will not be about avoiding negative thoughts from others.

16Jul2014

words to live by

Posted in i dig music by ElaineMarie

after driving around listening to the 90s radio station i’ve come to the conclusion that the world has really lost touch with the wisdom of the 90s. we need to bring it back into our consciousness…one song lyric at a time.

i give you this new series, Words to Live By, on MomJeanz for your weekly inspiration:

Poison, Bel Biv Devoe

15Jul2014

avoiding maternity clothes

Posted in pregnancy by ElaineMarie

friends, romans, countrymen,

i think it may be time to put Avoiding Maternity Clothes to rest. at this point, i’m avoiding all clothes not just maternity items. and i think it’s safe to say i’m not going to run out and purchase my first pair of maternity jeans here in the final days.

sooooo…I DID IT!!

2 pregnancies. 0 maternity pants purchased. 1,000,000,000 awesome pregnancy points earned!

just kidding. in the end it doesn’t really matter but i think i’ll get a post out sometime in the future as to why exactly i am against the maternity clothes.

what i have to share today was actually purchased with postpartum in mind, specifically night-time nursing. i’ve been getting back into visiting our local thrift store and found a couple cheap, vintage options that i love and feel are working just fine here at the end of pregnancy as well:

^^^ this is NOT a maternity nightgown, just a muumuu some dear, large lady left behind. to me it feels like the perfect, roomy nightgown ^^^

^^^ and this caught my eye because there may be a slight chance my grandmother had this exact same sleep set. look at that sleeve detailing and those fabric buttons! when mike saw this on me he was like “what the actual hell is going on with you.” ^^^

and he’s right. i’ve entered into this phase of my life where i look at silk sleep sets and think “hey, that would look great on me.” and i don’t think i’m wrong. it does look great on me. and it is not my fault that there is a lack of front buttons on reasonably priced women’s sleepwear for my age demographic!

so, that’s a wrap on avoiding maternity clothes. thanks for following along! soon we will be back to our regularly scheduled bad fashion choices. soon. i hope.

14Jul2014

random rant

Posted in Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

i’m tired of living in a fear culture. i’m tired of living in a Danger! Caution! Warning! society. i’m tired of a system that places responsibility on not being a victim over not being a perpetrator. and I’m tired of a world that takes its control issues out on the lives of women and children.

that is all.

14Jul2014

weekending

Posted in weekending by ElaineMarie

a
small
collection
of moments
from our weekend…

a weekend that i should title “Life With Recorder”

2 things about this weekend: 1} still pregnant 2} darla graced us and our whole neighborhood with sweet, peaceful recorder sounds all day saturday. she even included it as an ingredient in her cooking. wonderful stuff!

^^^sarcasm.

my family helped me stay active both by taking walks with me and giving me time to walk by my lonesome. i spent some time out under the super moon hoping moon mama would work her magic on my belly. friday night i tried to be all spiritual and connected to her. when that didn’t work i just ate candy while basking in her light on saturday. that didn’t work either.

i do want to state that i really am feeling more patient than my presence on the internet may lead you to believe. the thing is, i like the drama and suspense of the wait so building that up is a bit enjoyable. i also really enjoy surprises so this event is a bit of a body wonderland to me. yes, my body is a wonderland.

babies come in their own time. we could endure a few more weeks of me talking about being pregnant all the time. just a warning.

13Jul2014

gratitude adjustment

Posted in gratitude adjustment, Uncategorized by ElaineMarie

sunday is the day e’rybody’s gettin’ spiritual, right? gratitude is an important part of my spiritual path within this world. here’s my weekly list:

1. i’m thankful for technology. yes, i love technology. everything from ultra sound machines, to iphones to crockpots. i’m thankful for it all this week. we live in a technological marvel world.

2. i’m thankful for these crazy wonderful temps. this is one pregnant lady who is grateful that we’ve been hanging in the low 80s and even dipping into the 70s for most of this summer. mid-july in ohio could be soooooo different so i want to shout some gratitude to the weather patterns.

3. my husband’s music collection and investment in making music a part of our life. without his influence i think i would let myself get too busy with the day-to-day doings and neglect my music intake, except for the 90s channel on satellite radio.

4. i’m grateful for 4 pool days in a row!

5. and lastly, i’m thankful for our cosby show dvd box set. watching episodes in honor of Bill C’s birthday, curled up with my fam was a highlight of my week.

11Jul2014

our week

Posted in familyness, let me let me update ya by ElaineMarie

i don’t know where these days are going.

it’s friday and i got up early to write out a little about our week and i really can’t remember much that has happened save for a few big events. we spend much of our time here at home these days and i fear i’ve not really been able to stay present while here. my mind seems hyper-focused on chores and organization and cooking and errands.

and it all seems so ordinary.

and i feel like that has taken up a lot of my brain space this week: reconciling with the fact that i’m going to lead an ordinary life.

i, like most of my generation, was ingrained with the idea that i was a special little flower and that i was going to go out and do great things in the world. i have genuinely, 100% honestly always believed that I was going to lead some out-of-the-ordinary life. mainstream life was not good enough for me.

but here’s what i see when i step back from myself: 31 years old, lives in ohio, full-time mom, drives a pt cruiser, listens to neil sedaka live in concert on the 60s station….

it’s so ordinary. it’s so vanilla and blah. it doesn’t feel like this was the life i was supposed to lead. it’s not how my life played out in my head. and it certainly doesn’t seem to measure up to the adventurous lives of my peer group before i got myself saddled with motherhood.

and feeling that way feels terrible.

then i sit down here to this space and i start to take a look back at the weeks and i’m once again glad that i’m recording life here because when i scroll back through the days and weeks and months i see a whole mess of ordinary, every day beauty. it’s not over-the-top exciting and most of it is mundane but there is so much beauty shining through this ordinary life.

and i feel a bit foolish that it took me SO LONG in my life to see that. i feel like even from my earliest days i’ve wanted to live a life different and more exotic than the one i have. i’ve wanted to be a completely different person. i’ve even survived much of these last few years by telling myself that this is just a little pit stop in my life and that i’ll be zooming off to great adventures before long.

but that is not guaranteed to me. nothing is. and what a waste of an ordinary life it would be if i never ended up in this spot able to see how beautiful even the dullest of moments here on earth are.

so, this week i sat around on my porch a lot, watching my child cut grass with a pair of scissors {seriously}. i cooked some meals for my family. i took my girl to the pool. i ran errands. and i spent a whole lot of time gazing at a growing belly.

it was thoroughly ordinary. and it was beautiful.

* sending you all the best for a super, super moon weekend *

hi all, please give us your vote for the week by clicking the vote for us icon below. thanks for your help!

10Jul2014

bump day

Posted in pregnancy by ElaineMarie

that bump. how that bump made us jump.

here’s some advice. do not write a post jokingly calling your unborn child a jerk-baby because your unborn jerk-baby will get on the internet and read it and then give you the in utero what for.

we had a last-minute ultra sound last night after this little person gave us all a scare of a 40-week breech flip.

the good news: baby is not, in fact, breech but in lovely position.

more good news: we got to see him/her as a family which was nice since mike and darla weren’t present for my last ultrasound.

the ambiguous news: u/s info shows i may have a little more time growing this person than previously thought. maybe not. it’s all devil-science-magic anyway! but i’m wrapping my head around the fact that we may be hanging tight for a while. maybe not. ooh the excitement…the thrill of the wait…the anticipation…the stretching skin!!!!

the bad news: i’ve now called my jerk-baby a jerk-baby 3 {er…4} more times so i’m sure to experience some additional wild times from this kiddo here at the end in retribution. it’s ok, i deserve it.

9Jul2014

pregnancy eats

Posted in pregnancy, yum yum eat good by ElaineMarie

pregnancy eats this week consists of spicy chorizo tacos because you’ve heard that spicy things kick-start labor, right?

it was worth a shot.

so this taco dinner was in celebration of two things: my due date and my momma sending us taco funds.

see….

^^^ look at how cute she is labeling it and all ^^^

well, the due date came and went and baby and i are still a We. but i’m ok with that. i’ve chilled out a little bit about getting this person here. the smudging session helped change my energy towards the process both emotionally and mentally. plus, once it became apparent that little one wasn’t going to make an entrance on July 7th, the most sacred day of the year, then i kinda relaxed.

you see, July 7th is Fred Savage’s birthday. i have to confess i did not treat fred’s birthday with the respect it deserves this year. i was so caught up in my own disappointment of having a non-savage baby that i didn’t feel like celebrating the greatest american that has ever lived. and that was selfish and wrong.

dear fred,
i’m sorry i missed your birthday this year. fred fest WILL happen for 2015. promises, promises. and i’m sorry my jerk-baby wouldn’t come out of me on your birthday.
love,
elaine

so since we rolled on past the 7th it didn’t seem like such a big deal to keep on going past the 8th. but mike and i decided it was nice to celebrate the due date anyway, just because. it’s an accomplishment to grow a human for this long, friends. my hope is more ladies will start seeing it that way instead of an affliction to carry your little person past dates. even though, i get it. i’m much more physically miserable with this pregnancy than my previous, and i’m one of the lucky ones with very little complications. so i understand the ladies that have 9 mos of misery and are ready to be done. but the hardships of an older body kinda make me even more proud to carry this person onwards until the universe sees fit to bring him/her this side of my pelvis. it just felt like something to be celebrated instead of bemoaning.

plus, these dates are so fluid. it’s a window. and honestly, i am NOT a charter so my dates for calculating were ballpark figures anyway. so this person will truly be here when they are supposed to. i’m relaxed. i’m cool. i burn incense and wear fringe shirts now so i can handle this…

and also, it was an excuse for tacos.

BUT i would like to make an announcement that two things will be happening from now on:

1} i will be watching episodes of the wonder years nightly until this babe arrives in repentance for my treatment of fred’s day.

2} i will not be answering any questions/texts/emails/fb messages about whether or not i’ve had this baby. this blog revolves almost completely around my over sharing and need for attention. once i have this baby, trust me, you’ll all know about it!!!

8Jul2014

preparing a space for baby

Posted in pregnancy by ElaineMarie

one of the fun things we did this past weekend was cleanse our room and labor space. darla helped me sage our bedroom and fill the space with good energy for labor. when i asked her about what she thought of during her turns to hold the smudge stick she said “how much i’m going to love my baby brother or sister.”

that’ll do, sis.

like i said in this post, it’s not really about whether or not it works, it’s the ceremony of it. it was one more thing i could do to let the universe know i’m ready. it was something to do to feel spiritually connected to this space. it was another way to bring my daughter into the folds of this process. one more way to feel connected and welcoming to this new being.

so, space has now been cleared and cleansed for this new person.

back to waiting…