so i’m afraid. now what?

Posted in Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

i make a conscious effort not to be a fear-based person. at least i believe i’m really trying. i take risks and leaps of faith and i try not to let myself be afraid of obstacles that stand in my way. as i see bank accounts stretched and big decisions on the horizon i can feel that old reflex kick in. that fear is hardwired in there and man, it’s a bitch.

to put it out there: this is not how i thought my life would be at the age of 30. i expected something different of myself. i think therein lies the problem. my actualities seldom match up with my idealities. i trip up really hard and fast over the idea of what i want from my life versus what my life is. an IS is an IS. i have to accept that.

i feel this fear is maddening because so much of it seems very counterintuitive to the person i am. much of it seems to be based around silly rules and guidelines the world has built up. sometimes it seems that moving towards our “dreams” is made so futile and unattainable in this world that i don’t understand why we tell our young people that it’s a possibility in the first place. is it to make ourselves feel better? is it to make things turn out better for them? is it something that is only true for some people? what is it. who gets to follow their dreams? who gets to create their destiny? please, point the person out. give me their facebook info because imma sit down and pick their brains on how they did it.

did you do it? are you doing it? are you really doing, and living, and creating the life of your dreams? what’s your story? maybe you’re there and you’ve moved beyond this fear somehow. if you’re on the other side and you’re a voice that can say “it’s all going to turn out ok” then do. i need it. we all need it. i feel that all WE hear any more is that it’s NOT going to be ok. and no one needs to hear that. has it ever been true? in the whole long history of the universe with the balance between joyful things and horrible heartbreak, has it ever really not been ok? life goes on. here i am coaching myself through the fear from just a few paragraphs back but i guess part of me needs to know that you know it’s all going to be ok, too. if we don’t live our lives according to some straight and narrow path, it is going to be ok.

we have to start believing that for each other. well, i guess i can’t go giving the world advice. i can start with me. i have to start believing that for myself.

20May2013

weekending: earthy

Posted in advantageous adventures, it's cool to school by ElaineMarie

pairing the birthy and earthy has been a bit of a theme for me lately so let’s go with this.

our earthy part of the weekend was fulfilled by spending lots of time outdoors since the weather was amazeballs.

below you can see darla partaking in what started out as a backyard nature journal, turned watercolor backyard nature journal turned standard darla practice of painting herself blue. she painted our potted cherry tomato, our garden hose and outer space. since one of those is technically not in our backyard, and one of them is not really nature we’re going to have to work on this concept. but whatever. she done good.

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we took what is normally a 15 minute walk up to the ice cream shop and it somehow managed to take us a full 2 hours roundtrip. see her face? i’m such a mean mom to make her go get ice cream with me. right after this she started asking to be carried but we’ve been phasing that out. so we made a deal that we could just take our time and take a look at whatever we wanted along the way. {when i say “we made a deal” it means that she decided to stop whenever she wanted and i decided to deal with it } it’s really one of my favorite things to do with her to just go out and find what we can find. i’m happy to take advantage of the opportunities life gives me to slow down and do things like this with her, especially when there is ice cream at the end.

see:

speaking of the nature influence: jeni’s chamomile ice cream. oh. mah. gawd. i paired it with cloverton and it was divine. simply devine. i might need it daily.

hope your weekend was swell. xoxo.

20May2013

weekending: birthy

Posted in doula work, familyness by ElaineMarie

thank goodness nature gives us may before hitting us with the hard-core temps of summer, right? our weekend was beautiful and my weekend was quite birthy. i finished up my really lovely hypnobabies course. it’s nice to relearn things from a different perspective sometimes { you can hop on over to this post for more information about hypnobabies from maloree munn } and since it was a 6 week commitment it’s nice to have that all wrapped up under my belt. there is a nesting momma on the front porch of my instructor’s house. i took it to be a good omen. i also did a bit of postpartum work on saturday {sometimes a postpartum momma rings you up and just needs your help to make it to a hair appointment she made 3 mos ago. i’m here for that } and some studying and reading saturday night. little by little this work is falling into place.

but i hope to be more of use in the future so please give me a call if you’re in a family way and need a doula, people of columbus ohio!

19May2013

doula-do: new informational support sessions via skype

Posted in doula work by ElaineMarie

i wanted to use this platform to flush out a new service i’ll be offering. you know that feeling you have when you’ve thought of a really good idea but you don’t know if it will actually work? that’s me right now. but i think i just heard someone whisper “if you build it, they will come.” so i’m going for it. oh, wait. that was just my neighbors’ lawnmower. here goes anyway!

since starting the birthwork trail i’ve happily been a resource for a few friends for prep & planning of their own journey into parenthood. i’d like to pat my own back and smugly say that i think i played a small part of positive birth experiences for a few people. smuggy humor aside, helping folks whenever and wherever is what i’m hoping to do with this birthy brain bank up there.

so what’s a doula to do when she’s got friends across the globe with buns in the oven? skype. the answer to all time/space conundrums.

i will now be offering informational sessions over skype to help you prepare, plan & celebrate the birth of your child. for a nominal fee you’ll get a series of 2-hour sessions with me to flush out all things pregnancy related. in short, you’ll basically be getting prenatal doula support even if distance doesn’t allow me to be at your birth with you.

this is perfect for any stage of your pregnancy! i feel it would be especially helpful in the beginning phase when there is a little bit of that “so we’re pregnant! now what?” going on. i will also provide email information back-up to guide you towards good resources.

is this a good idea? yes? if you think so, please feel free to send my info to anyone you know that is expecting even if they are not sure they’re going to need doula care or not. I have included info about the sessions over at columbus birth arts under the birth work section.

so who wants to be first in line? wish me luck.

17May2013

weeksie

Posted in kiddie-do, let me let me update ya, love and happiness by ElaineMarie

this week brought us a 50 degree temperature spread, the end of a school year and once again, big hair.

besides that we had some other doings, the details that make up our week:

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1. lunch date 2. a partner hike up and down the hill 3. lots of bike rides 4. pancakes with strawberry milk, strawberries and peanut butter chips 5. go fish in the park {which darla does not understand the concept of keeping her cards a secret 6. and lastly some water colors on the porch in her tutu and leotard.

hope you liked some of our happy moments from the week. have a good weekend. wruckers send their best.

17May2013

growing thingz

Posted in it's cool to school by ElaineMarie

one of the things i think darla and i share in common is that we are experiential learners. the best way for me to learn is to try my hand at something and to then take note of all my mistakes and make plans for improvements in future endeavors. i wish i could be a better direction follower and researcher but my most concrete lessons are always the ones i’ve had to teach and learn myself.

i feel this has been the biggest purpose of our larger scale garden this year. we’re learning side-by-side, a bit of unschooling for both of us. i love the fact that the gardening and planting has been something that darla has had a great deal of involvement with this time around. everything from running items to the composter, planting, watering, helping me to make a natural insecticide and even talking to the plants when they were little sproutlets in our house. i’m happy to have the help while i can before she becomes to grown-up to find the tasks fun anymore.

momma daughter field trip!

we took a field trip down to the public garden plots our neighborhood rents out to take a tour of what other folks are doing. we came a couple of times last year to look but this time we were able to talk a little more in-depth about growing techniques because both she and i have more knowledge.

i am reminded by these activities that everything is a learning experience for her right now. i am really looking forward to this summer, to get back to some of these free-wheeling learning expeditions. i’m always amazed by how much she already knows how to do for herself and i’m reminded that this learning happens from life and not from books. i pray the universe helps me remember this when conventional wisdom starts making me think that i should be pushing her into structured school and learning.

16May2013

i made it!

Posted in let me let me update ya by ElaineMarie

look! i made it. thank you to all of you who voted and helped me make it in that top 25. i’ll be working on some more zero waste posts in the future as we expand efforts and such. i really appreciate you putting up with my begging and pleading.

you’re swell.

16May2013

done with school

Posted in it's cool to school by ElaineMarie

today was darla’s last day at school. she’s excited and ready to groove. see, she’s doing a victory dance in that first photo. and i got my obligatory shot with the school sign which turned out marginally better {or worse depending on your sense of humor} than the first day of school shot.

i was surprised by an uprising of emotion. don’t get me wrong, i’m an emotional junkie but i was not feeling sentimental about the last day of school until i picked her up. it hit me at once that we were finished with her first year of school. then the kicker was the surprise binder her school provided with moments from the year that were previously unknown to us. they took cute pictures showing how much they’ve grown and gained. darla has officially grown 3 inches and gained 4 pounds since september.

i can’t believe how cliché i feel at moments like these but it struck me how fast the year has gone by. i was reminded how different life was when she started the year. is it going to feel like this every year? someone please tell me. i’ve always been a nostalgic person, dreading the passing of time and i’m going to need to do some emotional calisthenics to get through the next 12 years if so.

see you next fall, school dayz.

oh and yes, those are darla’s pajamas she insisted on wearing to school. that was not an argument i was going to fight on the last day. you win, honey.

15May2013

productivity???

Posted in Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

this morning has all the makings of being a productive one, if only i knew what to put on this list.

1. be awesome

2. drink this coffee

3. type shit

4. be even more awesome

5. probs get a scone

…that’s all i got.

bye!

14May2013

ships outta port

Posted in advantageous adventures, Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

it has felt like we’re ships out of port for a long time now. even more so as time goes on. even more as we take more leaps of faith and we’re now both in pursuit of creating the life work of our dreams. it’s intimidating stuff.

but i have to remind myself that we were not built to be beings led by fear. we were not built to cower into complacency. i don’t believe that. i believe we were meant to take risks and test the universe, for only in this way is our faith and trust renewed and strengthened.

i bought this poster in the beginning of 2012. it’s funny and symbolic to me that i just let it sit around, not working to put it up until now. i’m admitting that i will need to see it daily during this next experimental phase of my adulthood. it’s up now and i feel it completes this eclectic space quite nicely. {hubster would want me to tell you that’s just the view of my side of the bed. his side has way manlier items tacked up on the wall. in fact, everything on his side of the wall is fabricated from crystalized testosterone.}

this quote feels extremely appropriate to the wife of a sailor who’s deciding to keep his feet on firm ground for a while.

this quote actually resonates from an earlier part of my life and it’s funny how life circles back on itself. it makes me comforted to know that people, places and events are all placed in your life at the right time to teach you something important. i’d like the thank the person who first introduced me to this quote, if said person ever reads. you taught me a lot about taking risks and i wouldn’t be who i am today without you.

thanks to everyone who has supported me and my desire to do birth work. thanks to all the friends and family that have loved us and supported us through this last year. what a difference a year makes…

now, everyone, let’s go be ships.