dress yo’self

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if you look back in the archives to a year or more ago you’ll find darla’s style has evolved a bit. i have lots of pics of her in perfectly styled outfits through her 2s and most of her 3s. lately, things have been more of a random mess. this is due to the simple fact that i am no longer the person that chooses what darla wears. it’s a bittersweet pill to swallow. every once in a while she’ll let me put something together for her but most days it’s all her. actually, i think getting to pick her own clothes for the day is her main motivation for no longer screaming for me as soon as she awakens. most mornings she has herself already ensembled before we see each other. one time she dressed herself, toasted her own toast and was spreading the butter on for herself before i was done brushing my teeth and washing my face.

anyway, most of the time i feel that she goes in there and picks out the two ugliest things she owns and puts them on together. it never fails that the clothing i like the least are the ones that are her favorite. so no more mommy playing dress-up with her baby. that little girl gets to wear what she picks. sometimes this means pajamas to school or shoes on the wrong feet or socks with sandals on the first 90 degree day of the year when she refused to wear them all winter. whatever. go on witcha bad self.

believe me, i’ve tried to persuade her to let me put together some really cute pairings over the past few months. i’ve wasted time and energy trying to coerce her into wearing something that i think will look sweet but i finally gave up and realized it wasn’t important. everytime i look at a stylish blog with preschoolers dressed like olsen twins i remind myself that someone probably had to put a lot of time and effort into getting their children to look like that. be it either spending the time to acquire the clothing in the first place or by instituting a parental apparel command chain.* it’s just not important to me that darla look like the most stylish 4-year-old this side of a gapkids catalog. it matters that she gets wear what she likes. and who am i kidding? most of the time i look back at pictures of myself and have the same thought every damn time: why did i think i could wear that? who let me go out looking like that? i am not really the most qualified person to be putting outfits together. { i think we already covered the whole army boots with knee-length skirt phase }

but every now and again she’ll put something together that makes me think hey, she’s on to something there. she’s developing her own style. at the tender little age of 4 she’s got her OWN style. and it’s pretty rad. it needs a little more fringe and shiny, in my opinion, but seeing as how she pulled out a pair of thrifted 80s heels from my closet, set them on my pillow right next to my head and said “mom, if you wear these heels everyone will like you” i’m confident that we’ll get there eventually.

*full disclothesure {pun! clothing pun!} – i do enjoy the aesthetic pleasure of visiting stylish blogs and seeing stylish kids. it’s great. it’s just not for me. i’m too unorganized to pull it off. and i could be wrong. all these families could be operating in a blissful little well dressed cloud world that i know nothing about as evidenced by my own wardrobe which incites people to place bets on what i will show up wearing and has been described as being composed of “wallpaper prints.” a complete stranger told me at the airport that i don’t spend a lot of time living in reality based solely on my outfit that day. maybe this needs a separate post…

she’s obsessed with dead people

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ummm, can i talk to you guys about this?

my daughter has this book memorized. it’s kinda freaking me out. she chose this book at the library almost 2 weeks ago. she disappeared into the stacks for a minute and then came running out, hair wild, yell-talking “WE HAVE TO GET THIS!” and shoved this in my face. how could i argue with that? she also demanded we get a book about day of the dead, halloween poems and beowulf.

yes, my daughter is reading 10th grade lit.

now, all these books have been extremely wonderful. she chose some more normal things like greek mythology, ali baba and the 40 thieves and something called the legend of ohio so i haven’t had to read only dark literature to her for the past two weeks but it brings me to something that has been haunting (literally but in that figurative way) our lives for the past 2.5 years.

my daughter is obsessed with dead people.

you may now understand why i try to push artistic outlets for her as much as i do. we’ve got to have some kind of direction for the macabre in this household or else she’s just going to turn into a goth and we all know that besides chris angel and dave navarro no goth person has ever had that much of a promising future. and i think those guys were kinda fringe anyway and yeah, those examples really just sum up my point.

an artist who is obsessed with dead people has a very promising future. all other interested parties just turn goth. so we’re pressing for artist here, people, or possibly mortician.

ghosts were her first repetitive subject for drawing. she broadened it to “dead guys” soon thereafter and i’ve been told numerous times over the years “ghosts and dead guys are my friends.”  does this also explain a little about the tent bed, too?

she used to tell me she saw them all the time. she would climb up on our toilet and look out the bathroom window in our old house, which was in a very old part of town, and say “yep, he’s there again today.”  i finally asked her about it after it had gone on for over a week and what she described to me was a man who had been hanged from a tree. she was only 2.5 years old and didn’t even know that was what she was describing so sometimes I tend to believe her on this. Oh, there was the time that it had been raining for almost a week straight and she then asked me “mom, why is his body all puffed up now?”  apparently ghost bodies react to current weather conditions.

what i’m getting at is that we’ve been walking this road to the dark arts for a few years now. (yes, that is a harry potter reference because our horizons have broadened to anything involving magic, wizardry, witches, mystical beings, fairies or the like. and hobbits. lots of hobbits.) i wish i could say i’m flabbergasted by it but i’m not because i was the same way when i was younger.

i once formed a club in my elementary school devoted to turning all the 3rd grade girls into witches. i would make my friends lie down on the ground while i conducted rituals to lift their souls out of their bodies and then we would all sit around and oooh and ahhh at their souls floating 6 feet above their bodies. the principal got word of our play and quickly put an end to my heyday as head of the waverly coven. when i was in the 9th grade the senior girls told me i dress like a witch. they thought they were dissing me but in my head i was all “score! finally…” {ps. this was due to a couple of times wearing a grey a-line, knee-length skirt with my combat boots. it was a boss match up but definitely not that witch-like. they were just THAT dumb.}

so i guess we’re just in this space where my daughter is really invested in something that might be termed “socially abnormal” but i’m going with the flow because i’ve been there. if she wants to check out books on mummies, ghosts, witches and goblins then i’m all for it because she’s really invested in learning about this subject matter. who am i to squash this? learning about mummies has broadened her horizons to egyptian culture. my 4-year-old knows how to pronounce paankehnamen. do you?  i’m sure someday she’s going to take it a little too far and start a small scale cult or something but at least i’ll have the previous life experience to understand and be cool about it instead of feeling i need to step in and direct her liferiver’s course.

and, as previously stated, i’m willing to do whatever it takes to keep her from going goth. since subversion is a main principle of that i’m thinking we’ll just keep this freak flag waving out there in the open.

solid plan. yep.

a slightly eco-friendly easter

it was so long ago. why bring it up again now? well, i really like bragging about myself so i’m going to tell all of you how much better i was at saving the earth on easter than you were. in fact, the only person better at saving the earth than me on easter was JESUS.

i applied some zero waste principles to easter:

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1. non-individually wrapped easter candy in a jar. forgo the fake grass, tissue paper and other trimmings. the non-individually wrapped is important and i’m planning on using this jar system for future holidays requiring candy but buying the candy from the bulk section. i think this will also help curb the amount of candy bought and brought into the house.

2. a couple pre-loved, spring friendly articles of clothing from the re-sale shop. i’ve made the decision to only get darker shades for pants from now on due to the smudged knees, dirt and grass stains that every kid deserves the freedom to get.

3. pastel, pre-owned popsicle molds. say good-bye to popsicle wrappers, boxes and sticks. our first round of homemade ones included frozen fruit, cherry juice, avocado, a bit of broccoli, flax seed meal and a smidge of honey.

4. these little ladies and the sidewalk chalk were new. i saw them and thought “now those are some princesses that i can embrace in our household.”  i took a few loads of old toys and clothes to goodwill & resale shops while darla was gone.  darla doesn’t like when i do this so naturally i only do it while she is away. my plan for making it fly this time was a note left behind from e. bunny saying he took the old stuff and brought her a few small items as a thank you for passing her old stuff on. he stroked her ego a little bit commending her on what a great thing she did by giving it away. laying some groundwork as i go, folks. it worked like a charm.

i hope this gives some of you ideas for future holiday celebrations in your own homes. progress not perfection!

you should or should not let your child dye herself blue

let me start by stating our household has a long history with food coloring. i made darla food color ice cubes to go in her baths about a year ago and well, we haven’t been able to have a week that goes by without a tinted bath since. if you can avoid starting this practice then you are smarter than i and deserve 10 parenting points.

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so we decided to dye our eggs yesterday – we dyed them without the shells this year because darla eats a dozen boiled eggs a week. that is an exaggeration. an EGGSageration if you will. anyway…

this activity:

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slowly devolved to this:

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and then this:

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this:

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and finally this:

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i think the breakdown came somewhere in between her asking “mom, can i paint my body?” and me answering “YES.”

It was an allowance that required a lot of time and soap to undo. I can’t say that i recommend it but on the other hand…it was a whole lot of hilarious. to me at least. i think hubster was a little less amused. i honestly asked him if we could leave her that way forever.

but i can’t help but hope that by responding positively to these crazy artistic whims of hers that i’ll be instilling some confidence in her that her own ideas are good ones. i’m hoping she’ll be learning something about support and believing in her inspirations. i hope. i’m hoping we’ll continue to experiment with her own independence and enacting her will on her world. i’m hoping this freedom will build her esteem and sense of self.

so that when all her peers are experimenting with mind altering drugs in high school because they have no other control over the decisions in their lives that she, MY daughter, will simply be experimenting with body paint.

or drugs AND body paint which is still way more ambitious than just drugs, right?

anyway, it turns out food dye doesn’t come completely off. i just dropped her off at school without so much as one word of explanation about her purple hands and feet.

they love me there. they do.

MILESTONE MARKER: she spells poop

as a fan of child-directed learning i’d like to take a post to commemorate the first word my daughter learned to read and spell on her own:

POOP.

D is 4 and in school so we’ve entered the phase of life where poop and pee and booty are funny words. you know that phase that starts at 4 and lasts the whole rest of your life? poop is funny always.

well, even though i’m trying to keep it real and be all “poop is cool” mom to her i have come up with a game that we play that i’m hoping will keep the potty mouth a little toned down in public. while i’m not the best example of a modest mouth {get it?} i would still like to raise her with an example that will at least leave it up to her own choice if she wants to go all surly and sailor mouth later on.

so we have a string of words that she’s allowed to use at home, whenever she wants and at any amount if she thinks it’s funny but only at home. we laugh about it and make up names like “poop lamp”, “fart table” , “tooty poopy chair poop.”  all of those were actually said by her during our last sesh.  the other morning she said “poop balloon” and since we happen to have balloons all over our floor {because our house is a magical circusland all the time} i wrote it on there and quizzed her to see if she knew how to spell it. she sounded it out, i wrote it, she read it and memorized it and can now recite it at any time. so now her vocabulary is up to two words, one of them being her own name.

with one post i just proved my brilliance as a parent and my daughter’s precocious reading aptitude that will surely take her all the way to the halls of harvard.

because poop is the equalizer, folks.

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^^^ the poop balloon ^^^

new parenting tactic

i was just thinking the other day “when am i going to be able to make a decision with this girl without arguing over it?”  darla has to contest anything and everything JUST BECAUSE. i try not to get to worried about it and let her have her say in the things she can { i.e. yes, you can have the green cup. no, you cannot wear your bathing suit to school } but it will just be nice when she no longer feels the need to argue to wear summer pjs in the winter and footie pjs in the summer.

i stumbled upon a new tactic: get her to argue about something new that she can win in the middle of the old argument. it worked 100% of the time that one time i tried it!

i will be reporting on the developments of this new parenting motto at a later date.

bedtime

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here’s this girl who made a bed for herself in our laundry basket. she’s trying to got to bed for the night at about 4pm. i have a new skill of getting her to bed, eager to go to bed, ASKING TO GO TO BED.  she has come to the age of being able to listen rationally now when we tell her she doesn’t sleep well and feel good in the morning if she goes to bed too late. she has nightmares sometimes and we’ve figured out if she goes to bed too late she gets them due to lack of sleep. once we explained to her that we should get to bed earlier so the nightmares won’t come, she’s been a more than willing bedtime partner.

a gentle scaring-your-children-to-bed never hurt. it feels so middle ages. so brother’s grimm.

blessing

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i was invited to a client’s mommy shower this past weekend. the hostess conducted a bead blessing ceremony in which each attendee contributed a bead to the mother and gave her a blessing. then the mom can string them all together to wear as a necklace/bracelet for her labor, birth and transition of the new family dynamic. it was an incredibly sweet event and i hope to conduct a mommy shower for friends in the future to be able to do this again.

my blessing, coming from the doula’s perspective, was that the mother finds her power in surrender. it’s something birth has taught me that i try to remind myself daily. so much about our modern world is about control. sometimes surrender is our greatest power.