renewal

Posted in advantageous adventures, kiddie-do, let me let me update ya, Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

i haven’t been posting lately, but guess what folks – i just renewed the domain name for momjeanz so i’m recommitting myself to the project.

i know. i’ve just given your lives new meaning.

in true elaine fashion, this is about me not you. self-centered, as always.

we’ve been going through some things lately and i’ve found it difficult to muster the energy to do the blog and to feel authentic about what i’m putting out there. i say this because when i look back at the blog it makes it seem like life is so happy and carefree when in reality it’s been a bit rougher than that.

but then i remembered that these rough parts have always been here. as long as this blog has been around they’ve been here. and maybe that’s why i started doing it in the first place – to remind myself of the good parts of the day, of the bright spots.

these are my bright spots. with a few pity parties and emotional outbursts sprinkled here and there. but mostly these are the good moments when i look back and am filled with such gratefulness for all of life’s spots, dark and bright.

and i want to continue to share my brightest spot:

well, order a stickygram of that and slap it on my fridge. if that isn’t a summary of my child in one frame then i don’t know what is. if i could conjure one image of her as a 3-year-old it would be this. leaping. LEAPING. she’s forever leaping. fearlessly. in a way that puts anxiety straight into my heart while at the same time comforting me and saying “that one, she gonna be ok. she gonna take on de world.” (for some reason this voice is that of sebastian the crab.)

this year has been about us taking the leap from baby to big kid. and she is ready for all the big kid challenges. she basically wants me to hand her a stack o’papes and a cap and let her raise herself on the street. i’m almost tempted to because i love (LOVE) the movie newsies so much. alas, she is a girl and not a young christian bale so i’ve decided to keep her and raise her myself.

why?

because it’s so much fun. everything turns into an adventure. trips to the nursery and apple orchard turn into teachable adventures. and also, there’s the snacks. obviously. when you’re raising a child there’s an endless stream of snacks and i, for one, benefit from that. so does my gym.

anyway, a few more snaps from our nursery/orchard visit with a girl who wants to be dorothy:

26Aug2012

just an idea

Posted in Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

for some reason i’ve always felt guilty about the ideas i have that i never carry out. i’m actually quite guilty of dishing out criticism towards those that don’t carry out their own fleeting ideas either.

hypocrite.

But,

lately i’ve just been trying to write down my ideas and feel good that i have some creative process going on at all. who cares if i don’t follow through on some of these hair-brained thoughts? in most cases it’s good that i don’t. like that time when i thought i should join a burlesque troupe 4 months postpartum….yeah, momma was going through somewhat of an identity crisis there.

anyway, i saw a bumper sticker i actually liked the other day and i think it applies to my current “idea” situation:

“you don’t have to believe everything you think.”

that is pretty damn freeing right there. just because i think of an idea or a new conclusion or observation doesn’t mean i have to believe it. i can just think it. if it’s worthy of sticking around, it will. if not then it will fall into that brain black hole along with all the other fleeting thoughts and occasional important date or two.

and…that’s what i think. bye!

22Aug2012

kafka, again

Posted in Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

let me share a wee bit of genius that i’ve been in love with for the past few days:

you don’t need to leave your room.

remain sitting at your table and listen.

don’t even listen, simply wait.

don’t even wait.

be quite still and solitary.

the world will freely offer itself to you.

to be unmasked, it has no choice.

it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.

-franz kafka

alright, to be quite honest, i haven’t read much kafka but based on this quote i’m gonna start, eh?

i love how the universe sends you what you need.

i tend to try and force life to happen…when i forget what everything is all about. i try to push and prod life along. i did reach a point in my mid 20s when i was supremely good about being fluid and accepting the universe’s hints into my everyday path. i lost that somewhere in these past 4 years. this quote, along with recent events of life, have reminded me to sit back and let life unfold at your feet. and then get down and roll around with it.

it reminds me of one of my favorite quotes about childbirth in regards to contractions. i’ll paraphrase: don’t force the waves towards the shore. they will come and recede on their own.

isn’t that such a good mantra? when we don’t push the wave we can simply ride it.

on my days when i can remember to ride, life is excellent. we had such a good day yesterday as a result of simply remembering to be fluid.

in all honesty, the part that hooked me was the not leaving your room thing. kafka, i love you, ya lazy SOB.

21Aug2012

acceptance

Posted in Momma Needs a minute..., parenting apparently? by ElaineMarie

my life lesson as of late has been acceptance. it’s been a hard one for me, let me tell ya.

i’m learning that there are things about myself and my loved ones that can’t and shouldn’t be changed. it may come to pass that i discover i’m a completely different person than i thought i was. i feel as though a lot of my life has been focused on exacting the type of life i think i should have instead of focusing on the life i want.

maybe i need to accept that my personality is such that i would prefer seclusion in a quiet cabin by a fire instead of traipsing off around the globe. maybe i need to accept that i would ACTUALLY prefer to spend winter in hibernation in a cabin in the woods and then the remaining three quarters driving around the country in a mid-size recreational vehicle. yeah….that sound just about perfect.

maybe i need to accept that i will always desire polar opposites. i need to accept my inconsistency. after all, inconsistency isn’t really all that bad.

i’m ready to accept the good and the bad instead of feeling like life has to be one big quest of self-improvement. yes, i do want to improve and continue to grow but maybe it could do with a little less self-imposed pressure.

and i’m due for an outward push of acceptance. like…maybe i need to accept that my daughter may never, ever learn to sit in a chair correctly:

and that’s ok.

15Aug2012

maine two

Posted in advantageous adventures, Momma Needs a minute..., Travels by ElaineMarie

and now for the more relaxing portion of our vacay:

this was the part i needed: these morning views, long walks and talks with cousinfriends, explorations in the woods, naps, family meals, cool night breezes, anne morrow lindbergh. we don’t take relaxation vacations enough. our travels always seem to be packed around some central activity, i.e. music festival, and i’ve been reminded that we need to slow it down every once in a while. at least i do. i would love a long weekend in the woods. or a few do-nothing days by the sea. it seemed to be good for darla, too. i forget that she gets shuffled around to lots of daily activities and maybe she just needs some time to be fluid.

thank you for being good to me for so many years, maine. we hope to visit you again in the near future.

14Aug2012

blogbored confessional

Posted in Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

hey guys,

so it’s been a bit slow here on the motivation and inspiration for the ol’ bloggy blog. i think it’s a combination of quite a few things: life spins outta control, busy schedules, self-doubt, feeling inauthentic, etc.

in all areas of my life i’ve felt like i’m running up hill all summer. in short, i haven’t felt like writing much so i haven’t. i haven’t felt like a source of positivity and authenticity for the past few months so i turned the flow of the blog faucet way down.

i’m sure i haven’t really ruined anyone’s life by not writing enough mundane posts for you to read. i feel like i’m ready to start putting some goodness back out there, though. i hope you will join me again. it’ll be nice to have the company ;)

2Aug2012

HI A TUS

Posted in let me let me update ya, Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

so….i’ve lacked some serious motivation lately.

or rather, my priorities have been elsewhere.

let’s face it, summer is busy and everyone is outside enjoying it and off on vacations instead of reading crazy blog entries.

so i’m just going to go ahead and state the obvious and say that momjeanz is on a hiatus until life gets more structure and balance. because right now i need to be able to just hop on RuJu and go wherever the day takes me instead of bending to some self imposed pressure to post.

i hope you all enjoy the rest of your summer. we’re headed up to maine this weekend where darla will be a flower girl. 3rd times the charm! i’ll be sure to share some photos when we return.

here’s just a bit of what we’ve been up to:

mustache parties

making pancakes for some old friends

discovering new breakfast digs

swinging in the park like a big girl

tea parties + music on the lawn

fudgesicles

summer is a melting fudgesicle

and state fair!

front porch sitting

i’ve been trying to take advantage of our front porch as much as possible during the warm summer weather. it seems like we are on the go so frequently that a nice front porch sittin’ session really revives me. whether it’s first thing in the morning for breakfast or in the evening for a beer after darla’s gone down.

the front porch has been good to us. somehow it always seems calm out there. it’s kinda my happy place. the porch has provided us with good conversations, helped us meet our neighbors, and has been a nice cool place to listen to some tunes or just sit and stare meditatively at the sycamore leaves blowing in the wind across the street.

that last one might just apply to only me.

i love sycamores. but anyway…

we’re gearing up for another festival weekend so i’ve been trying to catch some extra front porch time this week. i’d like to reach a nice, calm state of being before heading back into the frenzy. Last night definitely helped:

praise the universe for that front porch. won’t you come join me for a sit-sesh?

ps. take notice of our wedding poster we FINALLY got framed. almost 2 years later and i’m still in love with it. eternal gratitude mr. crothers!

24May2012

missing my family

Posted in Momma Needs a minute..., Travels by ElaineMarie

mike took darla on a two-day baseball extravaganza up to pittsburgh. i am waiting at the door for them to get back. i miss them both so much. mike sent these pics. looks like they’re having a grand (slam) time. PNC Park makes the 7th national ball park darla has visited thus far. how many more to go?

sorry about that unfortunate pun earlier but didn’t that last picture make up for it?

i cannot wait to see that little girl.

ps. i’m happy to see that mike and darla didn’t sit too close to the field. if we sit any closer than the nosebleeds i spend the whole entire game trying to cover my face every time the ball is hit b/c getting hit with a baseball is no joke people! here’s what i’m talking about.

momfearz.

5May2012

con mis amigos?

Posted in Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

i remember being alone for new year’s eve in 2008. i was expecting darla. i somehow woke up just at 11:58 to see a post-stroke dick clark ring in the new year and felt so terribly alone when i really needed someone most. i remember listening to all the parties of people banging their pots and pans on the night Obama won the election. i knew all my friends were together, but no one had invited me. i remember spending our first new year’s here in columbus by myself. i think i just went to bed. i remember driving around last year for the 4th of july just trying to find somewhere to go that didn’t make me feel so damn desperately alone. we drove past picnics of people who have probably known each other for years. i was alone for st. patricks day. i am alone now on cinco de mayo.

i’m tired of being alone. i’m tired of being lonely.

if i threw a pity party, would you come?