i remember being alone for new year’s eve in 2008. i was expecting darla. i somehow woke up just at 11:58 to see a post-stroke dick clark ring in the new year and felt so terribly alone when i really needed someone most. i remember listening to all the parties of people banging their pots and pans on the night Obama won the election. i knew all my friends were together, but no one had invited me. i remember spending our first new year’s here in columbus by myself. i think i just went to bed. i remember driving around last year for the 4th of july just trying to find somewhere to go that didn’t make me feel so damn desperately alone. we drove past picnics of people who have probably known each other for years. i was alone for st. patricks day. i am alone now on cinco de mayo.
i’m tired of being alone. i’m tired of being lonely.
if i threw a pity party, would you come?