weekending

Posted in advantageous adventures, familyness by ElaineMarie

i found myself keeping the camera in my pocket this week. i’ve been trying to remain present. this of course means much of our weekend was not captured for sharing but i got some very important experiences here.

i just finished reading my first book on unschooling and i’m so thankful i did. now when i look back on pictures like this i’m reminded just how much there is to learn from daily life. i’ll be working on removing my fears of inadequacy and uncertainty this next year as darla will be home with me full-time.

we tried new markets and old markets, both of which had plenty to feast the mind upon. pictured above is darla trying oils and spices. i’m so impressed with her at these markets. she asks questions and is not afraid to engage the merchants. she always stops to look at something i never would have on my own, like the chocolate booth where we got a step-by-step, interactive break-down of how chocolate is made. we sampled milk chocolate, 70% dark chocolate and an 85%. darla tried the raw chocolate as well. she decided she liked the 70% best of all. how could i walk away from an experience like that and not acknowledge all the learning that happened there?

as for me, i walked to a destination that is frequently driven or biked in our life and it was a pleasantly different experience on foot. i stopped to watch this blue heron on my walk down to the summerfest. it was a nice, serene moment before heading into the masses.

i also had a picnic dinner with my girl in the park and sat here, under this sycamore. i put my phone away and just watched her for the longest time. it felt wonderful to just watch her and see her interact with other children. the evening felt like it could be an early fall day. the park was filled with people out and about and it was nice to see everyone out except it made me feel lonely at the same time.

and by the way these pics are from different days of the weekend. darla choose to wear that dress all weekend and i can’t even remember if it was washed in between days or not. whatevs.

sending you my best for a lovely start to your week and i hope you and yours had a peaceful, wonderful weekend.

25Aug2013

blog blah

Posted in Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

i’ve lacked serious motivation here on the blog as of late. i suppose i need to just admit that it hasn’t been a priority in the past couple weeks.

i’ve been struggling with many of the thoughts and emotions swirling around in this one body. i feel like i’ve been in such a state of limbo for far too long.

i’m thankful to have a friend that reminds me that it’s ok to dream and envision the life i want for myself. i’m glad to have someone to remind me that my goals and life vision are attainable. i have a fault of telling myself that the way i want my life to be is not possible. the reality is that i want a simple, small life and there is no reason based in fact that i should tell myself i can’t have the life i want.

it will just require a lot of courage, strength, and faith. faith that if i keep plucking away i’ll get to where i’m meant to be.

i’m glad to have someone to remind me that i’m capable of great things. i’m smart and loving and open and capable. these are things i forget about myself often. these are things that not everyone possesses within them and they are unique, positive attributes of mine.

do you know what my biggest demon is? loneliness.

do you think that is yours? one of the most brilliant things i’ve heard in a long time is “life is all about how you manage your loneliness.” it’s stuck with me. i’ve been thinking a lot about the ways i handle mine and i know it’s an area that needs changing. i’m happy to have the moment of clarity and awareness to figure out how to work on that part of my personhood.

thank you for reading this blog. sometimes it makes me feel less alone. sometimes it makes me feel more alone. sometimes it feels like another area of my life i poor effort into with little returns but maybe i need to stop focusing on the returns. i’ve been changing my focus of my life into being more of a producer and less of a consumer. this blog is one area where i can consistently produce something, even if it is just some mediocre writing with a few iphone pics for a handful of readers.

because that’s enough for right now.

21Aug2013

unschooling: batelle darby metro park

Posted in advantageous adventures, it's cool to school by ElaineMarie

it is gorgeous days like this one that remind me why i’m keeping this blog. i will cherish these times always.

so here is a not-so-short list of things i can remember that we discussed and learned at batelle darby:

architectural structures
rock formations
gravity
the difference between bison and buffalo {fact: there have never been buffalo in America, only bison.}
flower names
the ecosystems of a stream
touched a turtle and a snake {not me, but darla did}
practiced the different sounds a rock makes when it’s thrown in the water
looked at decaying wood
hiked in woods and prarie and compared them
looked at bones and pelts
examined feathers on bird’s wing and magnification
different frog sounds
bird migration patterns
bees
trees

and honestly, i can’t remember b/c there was just so much to take in. we spent a good 4 hours there. 4 hours and no bison, however. they were hiding for the day but that gives us a reason to go back.

i am so thoroughly in love with the metro parks system. I am hoping we have a good 2-3 more months of outdoor exploration. we still have so much to see and revisit.

i hope these posts show how truly thankful and grateful I am to have the opportunity to spend these days running around with darla. it’s hard to imagine ever doing anything differently than the way we are now but i know to take each day as it comes.

i’m just filled with gratitude and love when i look back on some of these days. i want to put that down here for my darla.

19Aug2013

weekending

Posted in advantageous adventures, familyness by ElaineMarie

just a little weekending: darla watching the young fiddlers at the farmer’s market, making friends with all the dogs but this guy was a really special friend and getting tossed at the food truck fest downtown on saturday.

16Aug2013

what is unschooling?

Posted in it's cool to school by ElaineMarie

since i’ve been passing our summer adventures off as unschooling i’ve received lots of questions about unschooling, mainly: what is it?

the truth is, i don’t know exactly. My first exposure to the idea of unschooling was on a tv program called extreme parenting. when i first saw it, probably due a bit to dramatic tv editorial, i thought it seemed very strange. but something piqued my interest and i began to poke around on the internet for more information.

i follow a couple of blogs {here and here} that employ unschooling in their homes. with the homeschool movement back in full force, unschooling now seems like not such a big leap.

what has appealed to me about it thus far is that it allows me to educate darla in a very fluid way. i don’t have to prepare intricate lesson plans. i or darla can determine an activity or adventure for the day and we “see what we can see. find what we can find.” also, unschooling just makes sense to me. children learn by doing. children learn by seeing. children and ADULTS learn by gravitating towards their natural interests.

but i admit i am just now starting to really dig my fingers into the research. i just picked up my first two books on unschooling. i hope to follow these up with more. See, i’m unschooling myself.

i’ll share what i find out. then you can read if you want to and unschool yourself. or not.

15Aug2013

unschooling: ohio historical center outdoor session

Posted in it's cool to school by ElaineMarie

dear people of ohio,

take your children to the ohio history center. you’re welcome.

i’m going to tell you about the second half of our day at the ohio history center along with these amusing photos. sound good?

for the second half of the day we visited the Ohio Village. activities like these are a dream come true for me since traveling back in time is my ultimate life goal. before we could actually visit the village we had to dress ourselves appropriately:

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bonnets!

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OMG, the bonnets!

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I like to call this next one “Sad Bonnet” because this is when darla faked sadness and said i never take pictures of her. hahahahaha. future darla has now read a whole entire blog composed just of pictures i’ve taken of her. silly sad bonnet girl.

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and in her sadness she declared she did not like the bonnet any more, so i wore the bonnet. and this took me back to the days when i would run around the yard in my own bonnet and prarie dress playing Little House.

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after dealing with the dressing and undressing, we were finally able to cross the bridge over to the magical Ohio Village. a place where all the volunteers think it’s funny to chastise you for wearing shorts and claim you are showing your undergarments. {it’s not funny.}

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indecent exposure aside, that did not stop us from having all kinds of old-time fun. like making lace!

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yeah, darla made lace! can you believe it? she also almost stabbed a woman but it’s cool.

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this was the point in the timeline that i started feeling like the ohio village was really, really rad. i mean, darla made lace!

side note: does it sound cool when i say rad?

next up, more dress up!

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and there it is. a dream come true for me. i finally got to wear a hoop skirt. i cannot for the life of me understand how those things ever went out of fashion. it was so breezy up in there! i want to make my own. i also want to be corseted but apparently i missed the boat on that about 27 years ago.

we rounded out with the druggist, the toy maker and the barn but i stopped taking pictures here. do we really need to see 50 pictures of our day at the ohio village? no. we don’t. although a few years from now I may be lamenting the fact that i didn’t take more pix of that hot, beautiful day. { i think not though. }

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ending on an advertisement for ridding your body of tapeworm seemed like a good idea. so there you go.

also, i’m going to bet that the kickapoo indians never saw a dime of money from this enterprise.

so that’s the end of a fine day of unschooling. the ohio historical center gets a top-notch rating from me for offering us an extremely interactive experience on our first visit.

thanks for checking in on our unschooling today!

14Aug2013

unschooling: ohio historical society indoor session

Posted in it's cool to school by ElaineMarie

darla,

i’m going to begin this post with a pun. brace yourself.

i can really see myself in that vintage airstream.

oh gosh that’s good. you’re probably embarrassed now that you’re reading that.

but as a matter of fact i can see myself in that vintage bathing suit too. and in that vanity. wait, that’s you. i can see you in that vanity. but i can also see myself and envision a life buzzing about the sweet 50s modular home we toured at the ohio historical society last week. why was i born into the wrong decade?

i guess it’s because i was born when i was so i could birth you at the time you were born and everything is right as it should be. but i’ve never felt very attached to this time period. i’m nostalgic for things i never even experienced. this is weird. don’t be this way when you grow up.

anyway, i want you to know how much i enjoyed this day with you. there was so much to take in at the historical society. i loved watching you check out the 1950s home. i loved the somewhat disturbingly detailed scenario you were making up about it being your house as we went through. it’s pretty rad the entire exhibit was so interactive. at least i think it was…maybe we weren’t supposed to touch things, play with toys and put on clothes…but we did. i wonder if you’ll remember this day. can you stop whatever hover activity you’re doing right now as you read this and come tell me if you remember this day? thanks.

this is just half of the day. we spent the afternoon outside and i’ll post that for you separately. and one last thing, since a future you is reading this, i hope you will have good news for me that i somehow managed to acquire that bathing suit and airstream from the past. i’m assuming there’s time travel. actually, this blog is a portal.

13Aug2013

unschooling: the audubon center

Posted in it's cool to school by ElaineMarie

darla,

one of the things i struggle with the most with unschooling is feeling the self-imposed pressure to see that you squeeze every ounce of information from the great resources we have available for free in our world. i often have to stop myself and ask is she enjoying this right now? if she’s enjoying it then she is learning. if she’s not then she is reciting information to pacify me.

this was my struggle when we returned to the audubon center last week. our last trip here was on a monday when the center is not open. i actually love breaking this park up into an indoor/outdoor experience. there is just too much to experience to fit it all in on one day. but you had been asking to return on a day when the center was open ever since so that’s what we did.

you seemed to breeze past all the things i wanted you to explore at first. i could feel myself switching into control mode and i had to take a deep breath and let it go. you really wanted to play dress up in the animal outfits. me thinks those outfits are the whole reason you’ve been asking to come back. once i reminded myself that you are learning by playing i was able to incorporate some substantial information into our play. eventually you became curious and wanted to put a little more effort into fact-finding. we spent a few good hours there playing, looking at exhibits and lunching while reading books about caterpillars and butterflies in the bird-watching library.

i will have to remember that sometimes you’re going to be locked in and intent on information intake like when we went to blacklick and sometimes you’re just going to want to put on a bird costume and run around. both are valid and important. sometimes you’re going to want to read a book and sometimes you will want to veg in front of a movie. both are valid and important.

i want this to be fun for you. i want you to know that the whole world is yours to learn from. it’s there for the taking. i know i need to put the work into myself to remove the expectations i have so that this can be fun for both of us. let’s have an adventure together. let’s let it last all our days.

ps. plus when i let you do what you want it often looks like this

12Aug2013

today

Posted in Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

today i feel like the mom who yells too much.

the mom that doesn’t get enough done.

the woman that doesn’t love herself just the way she is.

a woman mourning the girl inside her. the girl that still believes her life is going to be something grand. the girl that believes it will be something that it is not.

today i feel like the woman who cannot see the small successes, only the big failures.

today i feel like the girl who misses her family. i feel like the girl longing to go home.

i feel like the mom who can’t stop worrying about being good enough for her child.

i feel like the woman who is trying to be good at everything and failing miserably.

deep breaths.

i think i’m going to have to put some redirection into this blog or give up on it. it’s something i love but i’ve found myself wondering too much lately about how to get more people to read it because i want to make money off it because i’ve found myself in a financial sink hole and i’m desperate.

and it turns out only a moderate number of humans want to read it anyway.

so i’m going to stop writing it for you.

i need to start writing it for me. because what i really want is something that darla and i can look back on in years to come and remember when. and if other people read it, then that’s ok. if they don’t that’s ok.

i’m sorry i fell into that trap and i’m sorry that i took you there with me.

there are parts of this blog that i write for others and i definitely want to keep those going but it’s time for an overhaul.

it’s time for an overhaul of so much more than just this blog but this is a good starting point.

more deep breaths. here we go.

12Aug2013