today i feel like the mom who yells too much.

the mom that doesn’t get enough done.

the woman that doesn’t love herself just the way she is.

a woman mourning the girl inside her. the girl that still believes her life is going to be something grand. the girl that believes it will be something that it is not.

today i feel like the woman who cannot see the small successes, only the big failures.

today i feel like the girl who misses her family. i feel like the girl longing to go home.

i feel like the mom who can’t stop worrying about being good enough for her child.

i feel like the woman who is trying to be good at everything and failing miserably.

deep breaths.

i think i’m going to have to put some redirection into this blog or give up on it. it’s something i love but i’ve found myself wondering too much lately about how to get more people to read it because i want to make money off it because i’ve found myself in a financial sink hole and i’m desperate.

and it turns out only a moderate number of humans want to read it anyway.

so i’m going to stop writing it for you.

i need to start writing it for me. because what i really want is something that darla and i can look back on in years to come and remember when. and if other people read it, then that’s ok. if they don’t that’s ok.

i’m sorry i fell into that trap and i’m sorry that i took you there with me.

there are parts of this blog that i write for others and i definitely want to keep those going but it’s time for an overhaul.

it’s time for an overhaul of so much more than just this blog but this is a good starting point.

more deep breaths. here we go.