i’ve lacked serious motivation here on the blog as of late. i suppose i need to just admit that it hasn’t been a priority in the past couple weeks.
i’ve been struggling with many of the thoughts and emotions swirling around in this one body. i feel like i’ve been in such a state of limbo for far too long.
i’m thankful to have a friend that reminds me that it’s ok to dream and envision the life i want for myself. i’m glad to have someone to remind me that my goals and life vision are attainable. i have a fault of telling myself that the way i want my life to be is not possible. the reality is that i want a simple, small life and there is no reason based in fact that i should tell myself i can’t have the life i want.
it will just require a lot of courage, strength, and faith. faith that if i keep plucking away i’ll get to where i’m meant to be.
i’m glad to have someone to remind me that i’m capable of great things. i’m smart and loving and open and capable. these are things i forget about myself often. these are things that not everyone possesses within them and they are unique, positive attributes of mine.
do you know what my biggest demon is? loneliness.
do you think that is yours? one of the most brilliant things i’ve heard in a long time is “life is all about how you manage your loneliness.” it’s stuck with me. i’ve been thinking a lot about the ways i handle mine and i know it’s an area that needs changing. i’m happy to have the moment of clarity and awareness to figure out how to work on that part of my personhood.
thank you for reading this blog. sometimes it makes me feel less alone. sometimes it makes me feel more alone. sometimes it feels like another area of my life i poor effort into with little returns but maybe i need to stop focusing on the returns. i’ve been changing my focus of my life into being more of a producer and less of a consumer. this blog is one area where i can consistently produce something, even if it is just some mediocre writing with a few iphone pics for a handful of readers.
because that’s enough for right now.
momjeanz 
I have found that being engaged with others on a common project is a good antidote for loneliness. My occupation and my proximity to family and the many issues and needs of others within my huge family provided me with continuous opportunities to lose my lonely feelings by collaborating with others to work toward a common goal. I think you have always needed to be part of a team, working toward a goal. Feeling connected to others is more important to some than others and I think you are one who needs that feeling of connection.
Several years ago you talked about creating a cooperative preschool working with other parents. I wonder if you have considered that project recently? You sound like the best field trip teacher ever. I would think that perhaps other moms who are maybe more homebound with infants would love to employ you to take their preschoolers on outings? I know when you went to sitter all day while I was working I wanted you to have excursions and not have to take afternoon nap or intake soaps on tv all afternoon. I was eager to engage with other moms who carpooled kids to preschool and then I picked up after school and took home. (Not sure if your recall all that.) Maybe connecting with other parents several days a week and providing some educational outings for the kiddos would help. If you could work it out to trade off and share with other moms then maybe you’d have some free time once in a while as well…………I know you want to keep it simple and working all that out with multiple others might be tricky.
I would be glad to come visit more often if that would be of any assist. But I get the impression that you are lonely more for peer connections. I can’t be your peer but I can be company. We love having you visit and you are all welcome here whenever your schedule permits. I miss you so much and it breaks my heart that you are in a place where you are so lonely. Maybe its time to consider moving back closer to home?
Regarding blogging, you will transform yourself through blogging, even if no one reads it. But people ARE reading it, and you will be the pebble in the pond whose ripples will extend far beyond the point of impact. This is the video that was the push I needed to write my first post. It’s only a minute and a half long: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=livzJTIWlmY
a lot of people blindly throw themselves into their careers to fill the void of being lonely
very true. hadn’t thought of that :)