there are so many times that i’m going through everyday motions and i think to myself “this is bullshit.” why are there so many time sucks in life? why do we force ourselves to spend so much time doing things we don’t want to do, that we abhor to do? this happens while i’m doing chores or find myself spending too much time on facebook during a gorgeous day. or paying bills. or when i’m chucking useless possessions into the donate pile.
i’ve been thinking critically about my life goals lately and a funny thing has happened; i’ve realized just how fucking awesomely lucky i am. if you would have asked me a year ago i would have thrown myself a pity party but today i realize i have trusted in my path and have a life that is exactly what i want.
i can never go and sit behind a desk again. i can never take a full-time job to just make sure i’m getting the life markers checked off. because i don’t care about those things. i don’t care if i ever own a house. i don’t care if we ever own more than one vehicle. i don’t care about our material gain in this world. i really don’t. i care about making the most of this one wild & precious life.
i have a lot of freedom in my life right now, more than i’ve given myself credit for in the past. i’m free to spend everyday with my wild girl and that means more to me than anything money could buy. i have a promising career in a field that i passionately love. i’ve come to terms that it will come with a salary sacrifice but fortunately i’m ok with that. any fool can get a job and make money. it takes a courageous soul to confidently pursue her dream. my needs are met. my desires are mine to pursue. my cup runneth over.
i’m so lucky to have my girl as a reminder to move through my world in pursuit of what i want from my life. children don’t innately operate according to what they “should” do in life. they do what they want. THEY DO WHAT THEY WANT! why can’t we give that gift to ourselves in the way our children already do?
so i hope you’ll continue to check in with me because imma just be here doin’ my do. i’ll be doing what i want. and i want to do more of this:
^^^ holding my daughter the way i used to when she was a baby while she dozes ever so briefly. letting her paint, chalk, draw and generally art up her body in any way that amuses her at the moment. encouraging her to climb. taking the sunny days to spend outdoors. and plaiting flowers into my girl’s hair. ^^^
it really is that great, when i let it be. and i can let it be.