weekending

Posted in advantageous adventures, familyness, i dig music by ElaineMarie

this says weekending but it’s really just our friday night down at the commons for nick tolford & co. i’m telling you all, keep an eye on this band. we have seen them a couple of times this summer and they are so fun. mr. tolford’s tunes are a rumpus for my rump.

doesn’t this outing look like a good time? IT WAS! i fall more and more in love with the commons each time we go there. maybe because it’s another place where darla’s craziness doesn’t have to be contained as much. she can chase dogs and run around to her heart’s content. the set up makes it very easy for us to enjoy tunes with her. and who doesn’t love carousel rides and jeni’s push pops?

and i get to admire the large groups of friends that gather there and try to come up with strategies to make them all my friends…or clients. i see a lot of pregnant ladies down there and i’m still working up the courage to walk up and hand out a card. i’ve only done it a few times. do you think that would be received well? i’m thinking i need to have a conversation with a long-time doula about their experience with this approach. i generally like to let couples/mommas find me but maybe having a little more courage would do me a world of good.

something to think about.

so what about the rest of our weekend? we had a rainy saturday morning getting stuff done around the house, attended a friend’s birthday where darla stayed up way too late but it was all worth it because we got to watch her rap battle with a 35 grown male, a sunday pancake breakfast, a bit of work, enjoying the beautiful weather and extra books at bedtime.

i love you weekend.

27Jul2013

what i want for my life

Posted in Momma Needs a minute... by ElaineMarie

do you ever sit back and compare what your life was like a year ago? two years? five?

i find myself doing that often. especially in this past year. 2012 & 2013 were years that kinda flipped the script on me for reasons i can’t delve into on the internet. it’s the internet! you already know too much about me as it is.

but i can say that one of the big changes in our household is our financial status. that’s no secret. i’ve talked about being poor again on here previously. i’ve always lived a life of modest means. my needs were met but nothing too extravagant until sometime in my mid 20s. i made a really good salary and i met and married a man who made a good salary. i experienced a few short years of abundant income, even in my decision to leave full-time employment. most often we had more money than we could spend and i was diligently squirreling money away for a rainy day.

and then the rainy days came, rainy weeks, going on a rainy year. thank goodness for that diligence.

so now you find our family very much like so many others, scraping by, making it but just barely. i have questioned this season in my life and have come to a realization of its purpose: to show me how to live the life i really want.

and to show me that the life i dream of living is valid and important.

after careful thought and inventory, i have to admit that i wasn’t living the type of life i desire before. i wasn’t being authentic and it was making me terribly unhappy. isn’t it funny how less money often equals more happiness? i could get into a list of reasons why this is but i’m sure you know them. even if you’re a sitting pretty, scrooge mcduck doing back strokes through your sacagaweas you still know deep down that money distracts and deters.

being poor makes you focus on the important things in life. it makes you question what you really need to be happy. you can’t focus on what you want. you have to focus on what you need.

sometimes i feel pressure to go out and take any old job that i’m qualified for to force a solution to some of the problems but then i stop myself and think about what i really want my life to be about and i am overcome with the strong, sure feeling that my life needs to be about less and not more. the answer is not to go out and make more money. it is to eliminate things from my life that are energy, monetary and time sucks.

because here’s the thing: i’m the happiest and most fulfilled with my life’s work that i can ever remember.

if i had to architect a perfect life’s work for myself i could sit back right now and laugh at myself for my worries because i’m already there. i’m doing it. I spend every day with my daughter and that is the most important thing to me and it always has been. i remember having these thoughts in high school and feeling guilty that i didn’t have strong career aspirations because what i really saw myself doing was being with my family, tending a garden, running an efficient household. but that seemed so anti-feminist at the time. well, and figure in that i was nowhere near home & baby making at that time. i wanted to see and experience life first.

but i know that i’ve always had this in me. i’ve always dreamt of this life. i’ve always wanted my life to be about mothering and babies and living a sustainable existence, living simply, living free.

i’m with my girl. i help women become mothers and men become fathers. i educate darla with life and adventure. i am conscientious about my connection to this earth and take that into consideration with every purchase and action i take. i am lucky enough to have a part-time job that believes in what i do and i believe in what they do. that job even aligns with my earthy sensibilities. and i get to write here. this pays me nothing but it sure gives me an outlet and i treat it like a job. because some day i hope it will be.

i love writing this blog and i love having you read it. i hope my readers can see that this blog isn’t about telling you how to live your life. i can’t give you ideas and how-to’s on putting together a dashing ensemble. i can’t give you crafty instructions for throwing amazing parties. i can’t give you recipes that are going to wow your family and nourish them. even though you will find those things on here from time to time, you won’t find that sort of instruction here on the reg.

the only thing i can offer to you, readers, is myself. i can only offer you how i live my life and my feelings and thoughts about that. i can offer you my desires and my mistakes. i can offer you the hilariousness of my daughter that gets me from one day to the next. i can offer you my struggles. and i can offer you the ideas and strides i am making towards creating the life that i’m passionate about.

so, what i want from my life is simplicity, peace, love, happiness and adventure. i want fewer things and more experiences. i want to live a life in accordance with my connection to the earth and my fellow human beings. i want a life that is focused less on how much money is in my bank account and more on that feeling of fulfillment i have that has settled down into my core because i’m doing exactly what i want with my life {although i wish i could do it a little more frequently. expecting columbus couples, give columbus birth arts a chance!}

awww gosh, i never know how to finish posts like this. maybe i’ll just end it by saying thank you. i’ll end it that way because it applies in every possible way in my life and to so many people. yes, that’s perfect:

thank you.

26Jul2013

daily moment

Posted in daily moment, familyness by ElaineMarie

my interpretation of inside darla’s brain:

“This gourmet push pop is so boring. Oh, wait, do I have something on my face? I have something on my face don’t I?”

26Jul2013

the doula spotlight

Posted in doula spotlight, doula work by ElaineMarie

hello good peoples,

this post is part of an ongoing series called the doula spotlight. my goal is to interview doulas around the country to highlight some of the good things birth workers are doing for our birthing mothers. each week we’ll be answering 3 different questions about doula life. i’m really excited to start this series and share the wisdom of these women with you.

i’d like to introduce my first west coast doula. Katie Hamilton has the distinction of being the first doula to buy one of my birth work t-shirts, other than myself! we connected through a mutual friend and now I’m honored to host her as my first left coast interviewee. Katie offers her support as Mama Nurture Birth Services in Los Angeles and the South Bay area. I present the doula wisdom of Katie Hamilton:

Katie & her own beautiful baby belly

1. how long have you been a doula and what made you pursue doulahood?

At the age of 15, I finally got the news that I would have a sibling. I was involved right from the get go. From helping with the baby registry, to attending the Lamaze classes…I was there. I remember falling asleep on the vinyl couch in the hospital waiting room while doing my algebra homework. I was called in the room during pushing and got to experience the miracle of birth. Upon arriving home, I walked around the house reading the infamous “What to expect…” book to my mom. I was probably the rare teen that knew what meconium was, clipped my sisters fingernails, and knew what developmental stage we would be approaching next. To this day I sometimes refer to her as my “first baby”. I remember announcing then that I wanted to be a midwife. I didn’t end up becoming one but always looked forward to becoming a mother myself. I had my first daughter at the hospital with the midwives. Despite a good outcome and the normal, unmedicated birth that I wanted…I wasn’t completely satisfied with my experience. I begged the nurse to get in the shower, and was refused. In fact I was one of those unusual cases where I dilated from 2 to 10 in 2 hours and had they had sent me home like they wanted to I would have ended up having the baby out of the hospital. I had to be my own advocate when really I just wanted the staff to be my side, honor my instincts that told me exactly what I needed to birth my baby. I was a square peg in a round hole because I didn’t get the epidural that would make my labor more predictable and manageable. At last my midwife appeared (it was 3am), and insisted they open a room for me and allow me to use the shower. Well, within an hour and a half I was nursing my baby.

After that medicalized birth experience, I did my research, and decided that home birth would be the best option for me. I was the most incredible experience I could have ever hoped for. My home was my sanctuary. I had my favorite foods, my favorite flowers, positive affirmations to pause and look at on my walls, a warm tub, my little girl eagerly awaiting her sister, a supportive husband, and trusted midwives. My daughter was born peacefully in the water with her big sister by her side.

As a La Leche League leader leading mother to mother breastfeeding support groups in our area, I am always hearing birth stories and connecting with other new moms. I found myself loving to support them and at the same time feeling like I wanted to do and know more. I learned about the wonderful Ana Paula Markel and Bini Birth, and decided to take the DONA doula training course. Sitting in class, with all those women who cared just as much about the sacredness of birth and empowering families in making informed choices- I knew I had found my calling. I began my business fall of 2012 and haven’t stopped celebrating birth since!

2. a doula’s support is informational, emotional and physical. do you have a favorite? what makes it your favorite?

One of my favorite parts of the doula’s role is the informational aspect. I meet a handful of amazing, respectful, personable OB’s. I also meet quite a lot of OB’s that are simply not practicing evidence based medicine. I believe I have helped guide a birth in a healthier direction for both mom and baby by just providing my clients with the current research they need to ask the right questions and sometimes even feel confident saying they want something different. Something as simple as asking, “What’s my Bishop Score” can give a mom an extra few days to go into labor on their own versus being induced and increase their chances for a surgical birth. Asking for intermittent monitoring rather than continuous on their birth plan can make the difference between a manageable labor in which a variety of different comfort techniques can be used, or a labor where finding necessary comfort is more challenging and freedom is very limited.

Seeing a woman reach her limit and push past it, and the elation and pride that comes out of that is like nothing else. There is a new respect for our bodies as being creative, our psyche as one that is strong, and a feeling that one can surmount anything. We carry that satisfaction and sufficiency into our days and weeks postpartum. Every woman deserves to feel safe and protected in labor. The doula is an asset to the emotional experience of both the mother and partner. The experience is treated as sacred, a rite of passage to be honored and enjoyed. Even when things don’t go quite as planned, a doula helps the preserve the memory of the mother being cared for and supported.

3. how do you answer the question “what is a doula”?

A fellow doula sister of mine, Kelsie Packer, described the doula’s role perfectly. “My role is to be an extension of your hands, voice and heart. I support and empower the mother in all women ” -kelsie packer (truladoula)

I’d like to thank Katie for sharing her thoughts and words on the doula spotlight. If you would like to know more about Katie’s services and support work {or take a peek at her pretty family} you can find her at her Mama Nurture website or her facebook page.

HEY YOU! are you a doula? would you like to contribute to the doula spotlight? send an info request to heymomjeanz {at} gmail {dot} com. thanks! Also, would you like a t-shirt? {smile & wink}

25Jul2013

unschooling: wind and solar energy

Posted in advantageous adventures, it's cool to school by ElaineMarie

more unschooling from last week. yay!!! it started out as a venture to a local farm for BLACK RASPBERRIES. YES THIS IS IN CAPS AND READS LIKE I AM SHOUTING AND IT’S BECAUSE I’M SHOUTING. I LOVE LOVE LOVE BLACK RASPBERRIES. THEY ARE MY CHILDHOOD ENCAPSULATED IN FOOD FORM.

let’s move on just as we moved on to glacier metro park. we enjoyed an absolutely delicious lunch of peaches, black raspberries and blueberries then wandered around until we discovered the wind & solar energy station. the park has interactive tools darla had an enthusiasm explosion over. this was one of those outings where i was spewing information and what darla took out of it was “the sun is hot and the breeze is mother nature’s breath.” not quite what i was saying but i’ll take it.

and then something happened that made me think maybe she does listen to me every once in a while…

while she was cranking the turbine she started talking about how her energy is a renewable energy source!!!

she gets it. she has learned from this lifestyle of riding bikes, and walking, and using your own energy to accomplish something that humans have a vast resource of energy available and it is ourselves.

and this has me thinking:

we have millions of americans in gyms because our society is so sedentary now that we can’t keep weight off our bodies. we also have an energy crisis. how, HOW!?, has no one yet invented a gym where members get on machines and create an energy source instead of getting on machines that use energy. like a reverse treadmill. i’ve seen it at festivals: get on this bike and charge your phone sort of thing. can someone invent a gym that does that?

should i be typing this here? i mean i don’t even have a copyright on this website yet. who do i talk to about this?

i’m sure it has something to do with working out who “owns” the energy and how to disperse it blah blah blah but i used to be at the gym and just feel so bad about all the electricity being used up for people to “work out” when the answer might be as simple as riding your bike or walking to your destinations.

i better stop now before this post turns into rant status but in conclusion, i think she and i are both learning as we move through this together and that’s all that matters.

*yes, i realize she doesn’t have her top on. no, i do not care. she’s 4 and black raspberry stains do not come out, people. if your child says “i’m hot can i take my shirt off” while she’s eating black raspberries you say yes.

24Jul2013

daily moment

Posted in daily moment by ElaineMarie

bad picture. good moment. my girl D doing a drawing of robots while i finish sweeping up the shop.

24Jul2013

unschooling: nature walk

Posted in advantageous adventures, it's cool to school by ElaineMarie

you know what i love about unschooling? everything! but one of the facets that suits my personality is that it can be a spur-of-the-moment idea. it can be a moment where you decide to pull the car over to take a walk in that park you’ve been meaning to for years.

unschooling last week included a trip to the smith nature park. this was a great, small little bit of woodland nestled into suburbia. we spent about 30 minutes here walking trails and creek gazing. it’s small enough to let darla be trail leader and big enough to make her feel like she’s a real hot-shot while doing so.

here’s darla’s summary of surroundings for her nature journal that day:

green plants. black trees. red trash. different kinds of rocks. it’s cool and hyperllenic. that means freshwater. is bacteria a parasite?

hyperllenic does not mean freshwater. it’s a word she made up. at least i think. hold on. yep, she made it up.

picture summary:

1. self-explanatory

2. here’s me trying to revisit the concept of trees adding rings as they grow and examining this cross-section with her but instead she’s interested in these little balls she found which i think might have been some kind of pest repellent. sometimes this is just about me hearing myself talk, i think.

3. woods wedgie!! had. to. include.

4. is a pic of my feet is to show you all how idyllic and serene my life is. i’m just sitting next to creeks all the time gazing prolifically at my thrifted grannie shoes while darla yells requests to get in the creek and fish out trash at me. such a lush, verdant life i lead here by this creek.

in seriousness, our unschooling has provided a lot of peace and serenity in my life and i believe in darla’s. i feel spending time exploring the great wild world is so important. i hope she will remember these days all her life. i hope this will be a foundation for her to have a connection to the earth and find a way to live in harmony with her surroundings. the saying goes: children can’t learn to respect nature if they don’t spend any time in it.

thanks for checking in on our unschooling today.

ps. the ua parks department has this nifty little handout on the web for printing. this would have been a nice resource had i researched before and not stopped in on a whim. next time, i guess.

23Jul2013

chicago is for forkheads

Posted in i dig music, Travels by ElaineMarie

some latergrams of our mini-vacay in chicago, which was absolutely beautiful and perfect.

oh how i love chicago.

i tried to take my picture-taking down a notch while there. at least i took fewer than i take of everyday life. i guess this is because i was trying to be present in the moment. and in part because i hadn’t planned on doing a post of the trip. but i decided to share because this will probably be one of the only vacations we’ll take this year so i’d like to record it. and because it might make you think i’m cool.

we travel to chicago for pitchfork almost every year. on the first day of the festival i was feeling like i’m just too old to hang with these hipster kids anymore. by the last day i remembered why i need to keep doing things like this. i need these excursions to keep me young. these trips reach back into my past and remind me of what my youth was about. they remind me of my interests and let the elaine that sometimes gets trapped under no’s, don’ts, stops and be carefuls!

it certainly helps that we were kid free for the weekend. {thanks parents!}

traveling is one of my favorite things we do as a family but it was nice to have a weekend between just husbeau and i. well, add our best friends to that equation but they were kidless as well so we all spent some much-needed quality time together…talking about our kids. no, not really. and that is what was great. we spent time talking about things other than our children. we were like real people for a few days.

some highlights from the weekend: daughn gibson, bike rentals down to the navy pier, phosphorescent, bjork, late night convos with our friends, belle & sebastian, solo walk through lincoln park & along the lake, r. kelly {even though i tried not to like it because he’s a perv} glazed & infused donuts, waxahatchee, m.i.a, sunshine, cool chicago breezes and feeling footloose and fancy free. shimmy shimmy shake.

i want to end this post with some thank yous: thank you to my parents for watching darla. thank you to robin for letting us crash on her floor, thanks to sarah and jeff for being such wonderful friends and attending numerous festivals with us over the years, thank you to mike for a wonderful, loving weekend and thank you universe for making chicago and the pitchfork festival exist in the first place. i heart you all.

23Jul2013

unschooling: Scioto Audubon Park & Sanctuary

Posted in advantageous adventures, it's cool to school by ElaineMarie

this is my kind of classroom.

one of our unschooling field trips from last week was an old favorite, the scioto audubon park. we picked up this fantastic book at the library a few weeks back. the book highlights nature happenings per month. july’s page discusses animal and plant life at freshwater sources and my mind went immediately to the scioto audubon park. this park boast a river view, freshwater ponds as well as wetlands. we formed a plan of comparing page to real life and that’s what we did. i brought the book along with darla’s nature journal. we did a collaborative drawing of the river and darla chose to draw a turtle for herself. here’s her entry as she dictated to me:

it looks like dirty water that turtles swim in. it looks like they love the water. spiders live here, too. they make interesting webs and catch flies and i don’t like it one bit. the end. by darla. write my name.

19Jul2013

the doula spotlight

Posted in doula spotlight, doula work by ElaineMarie

hello good peoples,

i am extremely honored and happy to present this next doula to you, readers. she is a wonderful woman and although i only spent a brief amount of time with her, less than 24 hours, it was enough time for her to make a big impact on my life. AND it was enough time for her to push on my back in just the right spot while i labored in bed and ask me the question “what do you mean when you say ‘tickle my back’ in your birth plan?” i’m talking about my own doula, Karen Phelps. She’s with By Your Side Birth Services, which was a part of in-house services at Holy Cross Hospital in Silver Springs, MD when miss darla was born but is now running independently in the DC Metro area. I present you, my doula, Karen:

Karen & Darla. January, 2009

1. How long have you been a doula and what brought you down the doula path?

When my daughter gave birth to my first grandchild five and a half years ago, she asked me to help coach her through labor and delivery. I had delivered my own four children unmedicated, using Lamaze techniques so I guided her and her husband through the process with what I remembered. (She had a long, unmedicated birth.) After the birth, the nurse asked if I had ever considered being a doula because I did everything a doula does. I had never heard of doulas but immediately learned everything I could and quickly took the training and became certified.

2. You were an integral part of getting my husband comfortably involved and active in my labor. In what ways do you facilitate and support partner involvement {when applicable} in births you attend?

So much of what I do is determined by my philosophy of birth and my role in it. I believe that the birth is not mine. This time and experience belongs to the mother and her partner and I am only there to add and make it the best it can be. I’m only the decoration on the cake. With that in mind, I first see how the couple interacts without my influence. I have had partners that just wanted to watch and counted on the doula, some that were unsure and just needed guidance, and some that wanted to run the show and give orders to everyone, including mom. (I think doulas are good at quickly assessing the situation.) There are many ways to encourage partners into their appropriate role. Once I have done massage, acupressure, stroking, or anything
else and it is effective, I show the support person what to do and encourage them to take over. I often have to demonstrate on the partner’s arm to show them the right soft but firm touch that feels good. I also ask support people to do things because they are sometimes afraid to make the first move or unsure of what would be helpful. I believe that a partner should participate to the level they are comfortable and I encourage as much involvement as possible because it is their experience together that makes the birth so special.

3. Was my labor and darla’s birth the most awesome you have ever attended?

ha ha. just a joke question. Of course my labor was the most awesome! wink wink. On to the real question:

3. You helped me be active during labor and you supported me during resting times while laboring in bed. How do you help a mother transition between different activities during labor? How do your support efforts change when a mother is mobile while laboring versus stationary?

Fairly early in labor, I mention that labor progresses best if there are frequent changes in position and activities so I encourage trying different things. Most mothers are eager for things to move along and are ready to follow suggestions. I occasionally suggest making a change, giving her a couple ideas and letting her choose. As labor builds, I suggest only one thing because mom is usually preoccupied and may have trouble making decisions. As much as possible, I involve the partner in assisting the mother as she walks, uses the bathroom, changes positions, sits on the birth ball, etc. I am there encouraging and guiding. As labor intensifies and the mother is working harder to focus, I work more directly assisting the mother with her breathing, relaxing and finally pushing.

I’d like to thank Karen for sharing on the doula spotlight and for supporting mike, darla and i as we became a family. you know how much it means every single time you do it. If you would like to know more about Karen you can find info on By Your Side Birth Services. Karen will be taking a sabbatical from birth work starting in September but I found interacting with the practice to be superbly pleasant. They are an excellent resource for DC Metro mommas.

HEY YOU! are you a doula? would you like to contribute to the doula spotlight? send an info request to heymomjeanz {at} gmail {dot} com. thanks!