about a girl

seven years ago today a man came to visit me. he was living in new york city and i was living in dc. we had met a month before, spent a few brief hours together and then parted ways as he hopped on a bus back to the big apple. half of me thought i would never see him again. the other half of me told my new roommate i had just met the man i was gonna marry…

but he came back.

he said he had to go see about a girl.

i don’t usually go about making celebrity deaths personal {although i still can’t believe i live in a world where george harrison no longer walks the earth. i kinda feel like we should have all laid down and stopped breathing right along with him} but i think i really do owe my marriage, my babies and seven splendid years of partnership with my husband in part to robin williams. mike was inspired by this scene in goodwill hunting to take a chance and see about a girl.

and i was that girl.

 

around the house

lookin’
around
the house…
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my view from the many hours spent nursing in bed

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this little guy keeps me company

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dishes, do yourselves. we got kids to raise.

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mmmmmmm. gardeny.

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i give up in here.

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the best thing to do while breastfeeding = study up on breastfeeding!

sometimes the magic is in the details…the messy, messy details.

yeah.

this is my postpartum

this is
week three of
my postpartum

the house. was. quiet.  the house. was. still. we were all alone. and so peaceful until…

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this past week saw daphne and i wrapped up as a duo by our lonesome during the daytime hours as miss darla was off at grandparent’s camp for the week. so, you might say this week gave me a taste of what most other women experience for their maternity leave. before i get into some of my coping techniques {that’s my fancy way of saying desserts} i wanna put down here a few thoughts about that.

the loneliness is what makes it hard. i am feeling so much for first time parents right now since being whisked back to the place where it is just you taking on the responsibility for a tiny, tiny human all alone for most of the hours of the day. that’s what early motherhood looks like for many women in this country. and it makes me sad because i do not believe we were meant to do this shut up in our houses, isolated in our bedrooms and on our couches. fortunately, i was lucky to have some visitors during day hours and we had visitors in the night-time as well to help me feel like i was still part of the world. but damn, it’s the loneliness that exhausted me more than anything.

overall, i did alright though with the abundant alone time. i was aware that this week alone with my second born was a gift as from here on out it’ll be me juggling two kiddos. but getting through the day without any helpers was a different ball game. it required more planning and more patience, more desserts and yes, incited more crying. see above ^^^

because when mama has to use the bathroom without a helper it means sometimes the baby is going to have to cry. fortunately, this is not as stressful the second time around. it is just an IS.

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i kept a stash of snacks easily accessible for when making meals was not an option

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i watched my favorite movie as a pick-me-up for long hours of cluster feeding

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and paired it with dessert

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i took my human mattress routine out onto the porch sometimes

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and we were all three glad when dad came home in the evenings

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on friday i took daphne to the city market and treated myself to a nice breakfast for making it through the week on our own. it was nice to be around so much bustling life after weeks of stillness in our own home.

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but the majority of my time was still spent snuggled up nursing this one

and that’s as it should be. and i don’t want to complain about an existence that consists of sitting around and cuddling a squishy, beauty baby all day but the reality is that after a while it gets really lonely and boring and hard to meet your own needs. and learning to deal with that is the growth of this phase of parenting. i had to consistently remind myself that this is a brief period of time. i had to remind myself that i don’t need to get other things done right now.  i needed to put those things on the back burner for one more week and focus on what i could get done at the moment. and i feel that worked so much better for me.  i was really focused on getting back into getting shit done when darla was born and i think i missed out on some really important bonding with her.

and i feel really lucky to have this second chance to focus on just my baby. i realize these are problems of privilege. not all moms get the opportunity to just sit around and focus on “momming” for three weeks.

so i’m grateful for the loneliness, and the boredom and the difficulty meeting my needs for that short time. and i hope i’ll keep these feelings with me so i’ll have tool sets for helping mothers who are couch bound and mothers that have to get back on their feet and back to responsibilities asap.

wish us well with week 4!

bump day

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2 weeks postpartum. is that all?

it seems like daphne has been here forever and always and the days are going by slowly. again, i hope this is a sign that we’re doing this right and taking our time. if we just take a look back a few weeks ago to the difference in this form, i’m just in awe of this transformation as my body slowly slips back to a semblance of its former self.  things are still tender and i’m just now feeling like i’m picking up speed.

now that things are sifting and settling, i’m really happy i did the bump day posts. i love going back to read over them and seeing the transformation from week to week. my prediction is that not a whole lot will change through this fourth and final trimester. there may not be much more transformation to document. who knows? maybe that’s the point. maybe the point is to put it out there that moving swiftly ahead to any other physical form is just not how this goes for most of us mothers.

maybe the transformation i’m capturing is how much more OK i am with that this time around.

because, i’m really OK with it this time around.

aaand while i’m getting all nostalgic i wanna just throw in a link for this bump day post again because i really, really loved doing that post.

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