many of you are asking “your momness, why do you blog?”
we don’t lead extraordinary, interesting lives. i don’t have any skills or expertise i can divulge. heck, i don’t really even write that well and i surely don’t remember my 10th grade grammar skills AT ALL. Sorry Mr. Bebe.
what am i doing?
well, i can tell you that i DIDN’T start this blog to tell you that i’m the best parent out there, that i love my life as a full-time-mom and that i would never, ever, ever in a trillion years change it. i didn’t start writing to brag about darla’s beauty, brains and brawn – well, actually i did a little bit – and i’m not going to tell you she’s perfect or a little bundle of blessings all the time. because none of that is true.
i like to think i paint a pretty accurate picture of how parenting and life goes around here – it’s mostly good but sometimes can be harrowing and frustrating and lonely. sometimes i can’t believe how fortunate i am to be living this life and then other times i’m screaming into the own insides of my brain that there has to be more than this, there has to be another way.
i think that most of the time i’m a good parent. i have moments of being a terrible parent, really just sucky, but then i also have days when i am an excellent mother. days where I am a mothering superhero. and i think the same goes for darla. she’s a little girl with a little curl right in the middle of her forehead. when she is good she is very, very good and when she is bad she is horrid.
aren’t most of us experiencing our parenting like this? why would i want to paint it in a light that would make others feel like they must be doing something wrong? i’m not trying to perpetuate the parenting guilt that flows freely through our society. i like to say that i love being a mom but i dislike parenting. that’s just how it is. it’s never-ending. and i’m not going to delude myself that i love it just to get through it. i’m just going to get through it by never loosing the humor of it all and having a few cocktails along the way.
but i didn’t start writing to be a crusader for truth or for “keeping it real.”
the truth is simple: the blog makes me feel better about myself. it’s a very shallow reason if you think about it shallowly. but since i’ve started blogging i’ve started looking at my life in a new way. i think i “see” my life a little more. i pay extra attention to detail. i’m more focused on the good times and serene moments.
i want to create a beautiful existence for my family. i want accomplishments. i want quiet, subdued peace. i want adventure and barbaric yawping! i think the simple act of getting the creative juices flowing helps to permeate all other areas of my life. it’s given me focus. it makes me feel accomplished and connected in a way that full-time momming just doesn’t. maybe i’m terrible or broken for saying that but as a semi-intelligent adult i don’t get all my my needs and desires fulfilled by being a mom.
it’s about me. it always comes down to that. what can i say. i’ve told you 100 times that i’m self-centered….
the bigger question is why are you reading it?
and thanks by the way. for reading. i’ve always like you, ya know. you’ve got that certain spark :)
disclaimer: actually no one has asked me why i’m blogging. i just made that up.