it’s 12:54 am and i’m up, because this is the only time of the day i can get for myself. and because i have been working on preparing for darla’s birthday. technically, it is her birthday because three years ago, down to the minute, she came into the world.

oh how a mother never forgets that first minute.

she’s three now. it’s so cliche, but i can’t believe it. i think i’m lucky because i don’t sit back and think “where did the time go?” I have felt every minute of these three years roll past. i think what happens for most of us parents is we spend so much time looking forward and preparing for what is next in our childrens’ lives that these moments, birthdays and other monumental occasions, stop us in our tracks and make us be present.

i think about how happy i’ll be to see her become an older child and put her inborn independence to good use.

but i never stopped to think that she’d actually be three. then four. then five. and then her running away from me will mean more than just me chasing her down in a mall. it will mean her not wanting my kiss good bye in front of her friends. it will mean her wanting to spend more time with others and less time with me. it will mean i will have to chase her down for attention instead of the other way around.

so, now she’s three. and darla is going to be GREAT at being three. and i’m going to try my hardest to remind myself to be present for these next 8 months because she’ll be starting school in the fall and the great migration away from me will officially begin.

and that’s why i’ll have to just get me another one…