today is our last mother + daughter day. hero worship is riding high in this household and darla has been talking about her daddy non-stop. that’s the way it should be. for about 2 weeks i’ve heard over and over all the things daddy is going to do for her when he gets home and if i say no to a particular request i get a “my daddy always lets me….” in return. well, well.
i’m very excited about mike’s return this time because this is the first display of anticipation darla has shown towards our nonconventional lifestyle. in the past she’s always been excited when she sees mike again but this is the first time there is cognitive eagerness for his return. i’m happy to have a companion in my pining for mr. mike.
except there’s another feeling in there, too.
all the things darla says daddy is going to do for her are the things i’m currently doing for her. have been doing for her these past three months. solo. i do want her to have a glimmering view of the times mike is included in daily life, but what about when he’s not? can’t those memories be as bright for her too? i try very hard to make all times magical around here and i guess, what i’m saying is, i want some freaking credit. is that selfish? probably yes, since it’s me after all.
i just hope that someday, down the road, darla will realize how every-ounce-of-energy hard this all is. i hope the next time that mike is departing darla will be just as excited for she and i to be a twosome again. not that i don’t want her to miss her dad but i want to make sure her life is even and not full of pitfalls and disappointment when he leaves. i want some mommy worship too!
but today i’m trying to enjoy the last few hours to ourselves. for my own sake. even if darla never gets it. these days are infinitely special to me. no matter how much i pout and complain on day 36 of mike’s rocket 88 day tour.
to quote darla’s favorite book recently, Eloise (thank you frauntie amanda!!!): “she is my mostly companion.”
“you gotta napkin on your head, napkinhead!” – girls dinner out. mohawk restaurant.
baking cupcakes for daddy’s surprise