week 38

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~week 38~

this may have been the week that darla finally started to get an understanding of the fact that her mom is a badass. i mean that in the most humble of ways.

i captured the exact moment in photo. that second one, where she’s looking up at me. you can see the pieces fitting together where she looks and knows “my mom is effing cool” or it might be something more like “i just farted…in a creek.” whatevs.

we spent a day creeking last week. it was a first for us. it blew her mind. ’nuff said. and to top it all off an OSU class joined towards the end and included darla in on their projects so she felt all kinds of big for her britches by the end of the day. it was perfect. i’m thanking the universe for this day.

and

i have to tell a little story. it’s a story about a mom who has been putting off telling her girl that said girl won’t be returning to preschool again this year. this mom is not procrastinating because she’s unsure or ashamed of homeschooling, in truth, she’s putting it off because she’s afraid of rejection. she’s been afraid her daughter will tell her that she doesn’t want to be at home with her mom and then this mom will feel her dreams dashed and feelings damaged.

ok, this mom is me.

standing in that creek that day, i decided to tell darla that we wouldn’t be doing school this year, or possibly any year soon. i explained that we would still hang out with friends and she would still learn but not in a school. i braced myself for her disappointment. i braced myself for her cry of independence.

but

she said “i know” in this very almost-grown-up voice. and then “schooling with you is better than being in a classroom.”

my heart jumped up into my throat. i felt relief rush over me. i felt it carried away with the cool current rushing around me feet.

she continued on to tell me that someday soon she would have to go away to college so she couldn’t stay with me forever. so, as far as i’m concerned she and i are on the same page with all this. although, i have this idea that her going to college is years away, i’m sure that she is right and that day will be upon us soon. in a blink. i can feel it all pushing onward just like the water in that creek. it’s funny how sometimes life can feel like its rushing on you like the river after a storm and then sometimes it dries up and slowly trickles by. But mostly, it flows on even and steady.

i’m so thankful to have this life and this girl.

these weeks go by and they are filled with more or less the same thing: running around exploring the world outside our home and creating some magical memories in our little corner of the universe. our household has a good balance going right now. i feel we’re on the verge of some changes but it is nice to experience the deep breath before the plunge. maybe it’s this transition from summer to fall. in a way it’s nice how summer lingers on a bit. the transition to fall always seems just a tiny bit gentler than winter to spring.

i’m happy to have this life. and i’m happy to share it here with you. i know i am lucky to have the opportunities cast at my feet everyday. thank you for being a part of that.

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7 thoughts on “week 38

  1. WOW. So glad Darla accepted the funschool issue. I recall driving with you to babysitter one snowy morning and realized the roads were so bad we should not be on them and I should not have left home with you. I told you that when we got to sitter I was going to call the gal who picked you up for preschool not to come down those roads for you and risk herself, child and car as well. I explained that if I was able to get you to sitter’s house without wrecking you would be staying put. I didn’t know it mattered to you whether or not you went to preschool until you reacted hysterically, kicking the dash (car seat was allowed in front seat then…no airbag) and screaming. So, in addition to driving and sliding I now had a temper tantrum going on beside me. You accused me of plotting to keep you from your friends and making you have to take a nap at the sitters when all the babies went down. I carried through with my plan and cancelled your pickup to preschool that day but decided that in the future I would not deliver bad news while also trying to operate a vehicle. It was wise of you to explain to her while you were having such a great time and promising to compensate so well for what she could be doing in school. She is a lucky girl to have her teacher all to herself and to have YOU as that lucky teacher.

  2. AWESOME. SO happy for you. for her. for your house. you know I’ve got your back on this one…. I think you’ve just made one of the best decisions ever. i promise when we’re old and grey- this is one that you won’t regret. :)

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