Ingest Truth Serum. Verbal Diarrhea Commence:
One of the real reasons I’m writing this blog is to try to create something more for myself. Or perhaps it’s to come to peace with my current life. I haven’t figured it out yet. I’ll keep ya POSTed.
I find myself to be pretty content these days, but I just feel this burning inside me (don’t worry, doc says it isn’t THAT) to give more, get more, do more, be more. MORE MORE MORE! Huh, maybe that’s where my two-year old gets it.
Maybe it’s because I feel inadequate. I feel like the things I’ve achieved, am currently achieving and have yet to achieve are not enough for this world. I wanna do something great. I have found a great passion and satisfaction in raising babies and one thirty-two-year-old husband but it just doesn’t seem to be enough. Is this what mediation is for? Gotta get more involved in that.
Maybe it’s because I feel cut-off. It’s sinking in that I’ll never go back to a social circle as tight-knit as the one I had in DC. Besides a few very fantastic, close friends Columbus doesn’t even come close in that department. I just miss all my friends and what’s worse is I don’t really seem to be able to make the time to stay in touch. Maybe I don’t make it a priority because I feel my life isn’t that eventful and I’d feel silly comparing notes with my jet setting lovelies. Maybe it’s because every time I try to keep up I just end up getting resentful and down on myself that I’m not out there experiencing what they are. What’s wrong with me?
i feel i’m not as good at keeping in touch as I used to be. I can’t concentrate on the phone. I feel like i’m wasting time when I sit down to email and I shouldn’t be indulging in something like that for myself. I’m upset that i’m not afforded the luxury of keeping up with my friends. But it’s a choice I made. Everyone has seen the mom (most likely on MTV, sorry Teen Moms 2) texting, or chatting away on their celly while baby is left unengaged. That’s not me. I don’t get on facebook everyday. I certainly don’t update or post or share or whatever they call it even weekly. I don’t see how other moms have the time! I don’t even check my own email everyday. My child is the recipient of my attention. That’s not because I’m a superior mom, it’s because I’m an inferior multitasker.
The only way I can seem to stay in touch is through old-fashioned snail mail. I have a few good pen pals but this year it’s my goal to expand. That’s why I created The Letter Project for myself. I hope it works.
I’m gonna sign off on this post for now. I’ll try to be back right after these messages with a positive post to remind myself of the triumphs and accomplishments of the last week.